First...pls understand the 3 aspects of every relationship...
1. Fun (not talking about the fun where ppl just meet, enjoy and go their way...though nothing right or wrong with it)
2. Responsibility
3. Respect, which arises out of gratitude and thankfulness.
Second...about relationship lets be focused on two aspects..
1.Relationship in general and that would mean any relationship be that of of friends or man woman or worker and the owner or for that matter any relationship that exists between humans .
2.Relationship between a man and a woman i.e of lovers in particular.
what do we want in life...just ask urself...
why do we get associated with people and things...
why do we engage in any activity...
why do we do anything in life...
the answer is "to enjoy and have fun"...isn't it.
As far as my understanding is concerned "fun" has to be the binding factor of every relationship to begin with...
every relationship should bring lightness, freshness and should be rejuvenating and that can happen only if it is based on fun...on fulfillment...on easiness and then only can it gain some depth. And this goes for every relationship.
But somehow opposite of this is happening in all kinds of relationships......generally relationships are getting based on responsibility.
And this responsibility has become such a heavy word...IT'S DEMANDING.
All relationships become a burden...a drag...a"pile on" because of this word responsibility. Everybody is dragging oneself bcos of this word...everyone is just somehow forcing oneself to live or do things bcos of this one word "responsibility".
As far as what i see "fun" should be the central point of every relationship and then out of that fun comes responsibility which becomes love.
People always want somebody who is"fun" to be with...
and out of that a connection gets established which brings a sense of responsibility towards that person and that sense of responsibility gives tremendous fulfillment rather than the burden of any sorts that is born out of morality or social compulsions.
This fun and responsibility brings the "love"...
LOVE IS NOT WHEN U SEE SOMEBODY AND U FEEL "OMG I M IN LOVE"....THAT IS JUST ATTRACTION AND PERHAPS THE NATURE'S WAY OF FOOLING YOU FOR ITS OWN AGENDA .
U asked as to why every relationship becomes a burden after some time...
it's bcos of this very word "responsibility"...it makes everybody tired and serious and ugly...
every relationship becomes a burden bcos there is no "fun" left and whats left is some kind of compulsion or helplessness...almost like nowhere to go...and have no choice.
And when i say fun i simply mean the capacity to bring lightness...capacity to enjoy the company of other and harmonize those moments of being together...and that togetherness can be between friends, lovers , subordinates and workers...a mother and child...a father and child...whatever.
On SUBTLE levels that togetherness can be between an object and a human being...it happens only when a person is extremely sensitive and present in the moment.
Have u ever observed water in a still swimming pool...
and then observe it when suddenly children jump into it and if u r sensitive u will see it very clearly that the qualitative aspect of water has also changed...
u will FEEL that with those children the water is also feeling happy...it has also come alive...
and this goes with everything...u just need to be present in total sensitivity to see it.
So be very clear that the fun has to be the basis of every relationship and a solid foundation gets laid and out of which generates a sense of responsibility and this gets converted into love and this love brings tremendous "respect " for each other...and with respect this love gains depth...such a relationship can survive all situations...without respect it remains shallow...frothy...if there is just fun and responsibility but no respect...the love is just superficial and lacking in something.
You said that u feel like running away from everybody...it simply means u r surrounded by serious people and u too are one of the kind.
It simple means u r surrounded by people who are always working or tired or talking abt this problem and that problem and what to do .
Day in and day out living such a life with such people who are just so serious u seem to be on the verge of a breakdown and hence u want to run away.
It is happening to almost everybody in present times...relationships are becoming a burden and ppl are quickly getting tired of each other and of themselves.
The remedy is simple...instead of blaming others or running away, find ur dimension of fun...
find ur field of creativity...and suddenly ur energy will get channelized.
u will feel light and hence the other in ur company will also feel light...right now its the opposite....
u r bored n stuck n the other is bored n stuck n both of u feel like running away from each other and if u r not doing so its almost bcos u don't have that choice.
U know that u just might get stuck in the same situation next time with somebody else...so u r just dragging urself...
Please understand that nobody wants to be with people who are always complaining...who are always blaming others...who are always tired...who are always talking about this burden or that burden or compulsions of this responsibility...they make this life very heavy...it sounds like bearing the burden of the whole earth on ur head...and if u get such a person around then u cannot enjoy that company for long...or u will end up becoming like that person... and the fact of the matter is that here everybody is so badly stuck in this rigmarole of life that they r tired of themselves and they r tired of others...and i say this after meeting and seeing ppl from all over the world...perhaps of almost all ages...so pls start channelizing ur energy rather than running away or blaming others...others are also doing the same, they too are feeling like running away from everybody including u.
Now coming to man woman relationship...
the basic point to begin with man woman relation is "physical attraction"...this is law of nature, u cant help it. Another thing about human beings is that here everybody is conscious of ones body this way or that way...
The basics of a solid and fulfilling man woman relationship lies in "physical or sexual compatibility"....for a couple , for lovers this is the dimension of fun and if two ppl are not comfortable with each others body then that relationship is bound to fail...the marriage may survive but that relationship is not going to be SATISFYING. And when i talk of sexual compatibility i m not talk of high or low sexual energy levels...i m talking about the compatible energy levels where they can easily relate to each other through their bodies and feel comfortable abt it rather than getting more conscious more closed and withdrawn...when the sex energy is compatible...it is fun...and this makes ppl comfortable about their bodies in front of their partners and once this is taken care of half the battle is won.And u can very easily relate to anybody who makes u feel comfortable about ur body.
You said u r already bored and tired of the marriage, it simply means the sexual incompatibility, it means the lack of fun...the whole charm of meeting the opposite has somehow vanished...and now u don't know what to do.
Generally in such marriages ppl try to make their partners happy with gifts and entertainment trips and many such frivolous things...but it is very topical...it doesn't work and couples just remain unhappy in marriage but stay together bcos of their children.
And one thing i have observed in happy couples is that they are hardly bothered about compliments, money and gifts or any kind of reassuring words and they hardly demand anything from each other...
So now u know the problem....u can work on it...it's not that difficult...work on the sexual compatibility...work on the fun part...but if still the harmony doesn't come it simply means ur energies just cant be harmonized...they are in different orbits with totally different dimensions...may be u both are just not meant for each other...nothing wrong with it...it's life and it happens...move on .......or else keep living like this and keep suffering and die one day to be born again and repeat the whole chakra.
And now the most important part of any relationship...it is "RESPECT'...respect for ur partner or the other...
if despite having fun and managing responsibilities u don't have respect for ur partner or associate...be it ur husband...wife...worker...business partner...lover...whatever...the relationship is doomed.
If deep down u feel that ur partner or associate or ur husband or wife or lover is an idiot or stupid or hardly intelligent or not a good human being or whatever...it's not goin to work out towards fulfillment. Fault finding is a sign of something missing in ur association.
Strange it is that marriages seldom breaks bcos of infidelity, it often breaks bcos of lack of respect...it breaks bcos ppl think that they r living with an idiot...there is lack of respect...or one feels unwanted and uncared...one feels as if "not needed"...and that can be killing for anybody.
In the end it is the respect that shall count bcos with time the energy, dimensions and definitions of fun and responsibility will keep on changing but it's the "DEPTH" which comes out of respect that matters...rest is hogwash
EITHER DON'T GET ASSOCIATED WITH SOMEBODY...DON'T RELATE...AND IF U DO AT LEAST HAVE RESPECT IN UR HEART AND IT DOESN'T MEAN TO NECESSARILY AGREE TO WHATEVER THE OTHER PERSON SAYS
SO ANYBODY WHO READS THIS, KINDLY REMEMBER THAT "PLEASE RESPECT EVERYTHING THAT U COME ACROSS IN LIFE...BE IT PEOPLE OR THINGS...PLEASE DON'T GIVE CARE A DAMN ATTITUDE...PLEASE DON'T TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED BY BEING INDIFFERENT...HERE EVERYTHING WANTS TO BE LOVED AND CARED FOR...AND UR INDIFFERENCE OR CLEVERNESS OR WRONG ATTITUDE WILL JUST DESTROY UR LIFE SUBTLY...NATURE IS NEVER KIND TO SUCH PEOPLE, THAT'S A LAW"
Rest it's ur choice...)))...
All the best...
Prem Kamal
