THE REAL PROBLEM

You asked "what's the real problem" and that too in simplistic terms.
Without getting into  so called spiritual rhetoric of "finding yourself" or "who am i" or "finding god "  or "gyan" "dhyan" etc etc...let me tell u the problem in the most simplistic way possible.

There is one and only one problem and that is "u don't know how to live with urself"...that's it.

You just don't know how to live with urself , what to do with urself , how to be with urself...
And since u don't know how to live with urself u are searching for "the other" and that other keeps u busy, partly entertained and most of the time anxious and on the edge.

 What is this "OTHER" I am talking about.....anything and anybody other than you yourself comes in this bracket...be it friends, work , relationships, money, sports , entertainment...anything other than you.

Since you don't know how to live with urself, u don't know how to live with others.........
And that is precisely why after sometime u begin to find problems, mistakes and shortcomings with even ur best friends...ur lovers...ur spouse...even ur guide...u just don't spare anybody and nobody spares you.
 
And that is why there is so much fight going on within everybody...
You just don't find somebody complete tor fit into ur definitions, imaginations, expectations  and u feel let down in a way...sometimes by others and sometimes by ur own understanding.

You will be surprised to know that all the problems that u find with others germinates from inside u...u just don't know how to deal with ur hollowness...hardly anybody does...u just don't know how to face it...that deep vacuum that u feel when u r just with urself...(if u think i am wrong then just try sitting quietly with urself and u will understand what i am saying)

And this again becomes a vicious circle in life...u don't know how to be with urself and bcos of that u run away from urself all the time and it creates imbalance.  The energy is just flowing out all the time and it is very exhausting. 

Moreover just moving out all the time a very complex world gets created....too much remains to be sorted out....people are always talking about "responsibilities" as the reason that they are slogging so much...no, they don't understand that they have woven a very complex way of living unknowingly and now they are trapped and thus fearful deep down all the time. And nothing satisfies bcos of this constant instability inside.

You can observe this in ur life....u r with somebody but after sometime....an hour  or 2 or a few...may be a day or few days...u will begin to get get bored of the other person...tired...gradually u would begin to see the negative points in the other...slowly judgement creeps in...slowly u want to have a break...forget about people, u even get tired of ur favorite activities be it gymming or running or music or whatever. You just want to run away from it.

And then when u are away and alone u can't handle being with urself....
u again start to run away from urself and start looking for something new....new relationship...new entertainment....new friends....new activity...almost because of a compulsion...and then again u face the same situation...same irritation trickles in and again u want to escape...
that's why there is hardly any depth in relationships...they are topical...more like "entertainment"...and i am talking of all kinds of relationships...

That is why ppl start learning something but leave in the middle....not able to complete or learn anything to the level of mastery...they get bored...bored bcos of imbalance and the same reason that i mentioned.

You don't know how to stay with urself "just like that"...without keeping busy...without getting lost in doing something ..."just being"...

You run towards others bcos u want to escape urself ...u just cant bear ur own company and then u when u r with others, after some time u want to run away from them bcos u cant bear others for long as well...

And this is how u keep swinging all ur life...finding fault with urself and finding fault with others.
Not reaching anywhere like a rocking chair.....too much motion but no real movement...

IN THE MOST SIMPLISTIC TERMS "U DONT KNOW HOW TO BE WITH URSELF AND WHAT TO DO WITH UR LIFE ENERGY WITHOUT THE INVOLVEMENT OF THE OTHER".

Now when i am saying all this, pls don't infer that i am against entertainment or against newness or against new relationships or exploring new avenues...
or that i am suggesting somebody to become an island by oneself...nope.....

What i am saying is that no matter what u do ,everything becomes boring, stale, irritating, stagnant, drab, tiring n bla bla bcos the problem lies in the very source and that is u urself...

If u sort this then everything  will become a blessing....every relationship...every activity...every involvement....every contradiction and whatever...
if u don't sort this out then u will just end up using the other as entertainment and entertainment doesn't last long.

"HOW TO BE WITH URSELF"...PLEASE SORT THIS OUT...
AND NOBODY ELSE IS GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU...  

Have you realized as to  why the film stars or the people in sports or entertainment gets paid so high and so much in demand...it's not that they are doing something herculean or exceptional or are always creative....
"its simply bcos, they keep u entertained for a while...the are feeding u with imagination...they help u in escaping ur inner vacuum for a while...they lead u into forgetfulness for a while."
and these entertainers are suffering from the same syndromes as a normal mortal is...in fact at times much worse.

Always remember that if u need a lot of entertainment in life...or u are always busy doing this or that...if u r always busy in chasing this or that..."u r escaping urself"...
And if u r not able to bear urself ...ur own company ...ur own source...ur own being....how do u expect the others to bear with u.

And more u are involved with others out of boredom or escapism the more u will end in comparisons...the more u will be involved in rat race....the more u will be doing what others are doing without even realizing that may be u r not meant for that.

And gradually u will end up living others' life...and others too are sailing in the same boat...and so nobody in this world is happy...they are relatively happy and with times the degree of  this relativity is also changing.

I often meet people who are candid in telling me that they are so irritated with everything.........
and at times they realize that "this is not good"...but they don't know whats the problem.

So your problem simply is ur own companionship...which u don't relish.

IF U CANT BE A BLESSING TO URSELF NOTHING CAN BE A BLESSING FOR U FOR LONG..
AND   IF U CANT BE A BOON TO URSELF THEN U CANNOT BE A BOON FOR SOMEBODY FOR LONG....

Now what to do...
Very simple...very very simple.

Just start being with urself...
In quietness for some time during a day...
Just like that...
Doing nothing...not wanting to go here there or call somebody...or to indulge in some action....
No...just be...be with urself...with no agenda...all quiet.

You will be surprised as to how slowly slowly u will begin to experience a flow of gentle bliss all around...u will feel some divinity around u in the silence...some goodness and relaxation for no reason...some easiness and calm and serenity all around...its just magical.

Do it and do it as early as possible...thinking wont help...talking wont cook the rice.
Act now...act when u are young and have enough energy to face ur source.
Plant the right sapling now...and don't idle away the time in trivia...for the right planting at the right time yields the right harvest...or else u will just reap regret.

Start, start for nobody is going to do it for u...start, for... the only way to start is to start .

I AM TELLING YOU THE EXACT PROBLEM AND I AM ASSURING U THAT NOTHING ELSE IS GOING TO WORK...I KNOW IT , FOR I HAVE BEEN THROUGH  ALL THIS FIRSTHAND.

Please understand one thing...
Don't start to visualize things sitting alone, don't try to give energy to ur thoughts at all.
I remember a friend wrote 2 yrs back as to how she thinks about herself and imagines this and that when alone and so on and so forth...please don't do it.

I am talking about being quiet and then gradually being silent for some time during the day...
Words in ur thoughts, in ur mind...no matter how colorful, are grossly misleading...they are actually the cause of all misery...pls don't indulge in thinking when u are alone with urself.

Yes, if there is some action needed, some decision  to be taken for something... then use ur mind and logics...
but about ur question what i am suggesting is a state of " being wordless" and it will come slowly.
Don't delay and don't be disheartened...
Start , start from the scratch and go on scratching...

Be focused about being with urself in quietness with no words and imagination for some part of ur time daily.

All the best

                                                        Prem Kamal