Basic and foremost thing to be understood is that for inner growth u have to start from urself with urself...this is something nobody understands.
You will go to camp leaders and spiritual dealers and soul healers and god knows who all and they will give u a moral rhetoric as to how to accept and its not going to work...they themselves are facing the same problem as you...all sailing in the same boat.
First "Accept " urself and accept ur non acceptance as well.
When u r not able to accept something it simple means it is not making sense to u and that is absolutely fine. Acceptance doesn't mean that u have to call an overflowing drain as a stream of mineral water.
So "Acceptance" has to start with urself and that includes the acceptance of ur non acceptance.
Osho was always talking about acceptance but do u realize that he criticized almost everybody...he didn't even spare Buddha.....does that mean he was not accepting the things he criticized...no, that's not the case.
We carry this wrong notion about acceptance that acceptance means to say that everything is just fine...or "its ok"...no, pls don't say so if u don't feel so.
And if u understand this, suddenly ur hippocracy will drop totally and another thing that u will realize is that when u accept ur non acceptance...u will accept the other person as well.
You will say that i don't find it right but it's ur life, u pls carry on but if ur act is affecting me directly i am not going to allow u to do it...or u wld simply walk away from the situation respecting ur rejection of it and still accepting the other persons freedom to be unreasonable.There is no problem...the problem lies in the moral principles that u have been fed with and the limitations of the mind to understand the negativity that a situation brings in.
There are so many things which u cannot accept, it's fine...please move away or if somebody is barging in ur space doing something that u don't approve of...politely tell the person to excuse you...simple...and i am telling u it works fine...i have been living like that for almost a decade...if i don't accept something i move away or request the other person not to force himself upon me...that's not allowed.
Now comes another situation...the problem is that u want to play nice and goody goody all the time and perhaps to everybody...and that's why u suffer. Be genuine and authentic to urself without getting anxious...it will keep u sane or else u will be fragmented and lost.
Please understand that if u find the other person wrong very politely u can excuse urself from that situation rather than trying to ponder "how to accept"...u have already accepted urself...where is the question of how...u have accepted the other person as well by leaving him then and there and respecting him the way he is.
Another thing that u have to understand...there is something called " having an opinion"...and there is something called being "judgmental".
You have a right to opinion about things that u come across in life....but u have no right to become a judge and tell the other person to change...that's his prerogative and vice versa...u may tell the other person what u feel but u cannot force and pass a judgement for him to change...'thats interference.
So many times...almost all the times i see people confused about little things...even people who have meditated for 40 years dont understand any thing ...don't be confused about having an opinion and being judgmental...there is a difference...)))....
So first accept urself the way u are without being aggressive or submissive...u will do urself and others a lot of good...
that's the way u r and that's the way things r and that's the way life is...simple.
U are saying u have so many conflicts everywhere...again please understand what Aristotle said...here no body is an island...as long as u are alive u will have interaction with ppl as this life is about interdependence and u are going to have difference of opinion.The problem is that u are not aware when the difference of OPINION TURNS INTO A CONFLICT and becomes a major ego issue.
So what to do....
Well learn the art of dropping the conflicts...don't fight for every thing or every contradiction...don't be emphatic on being proven right all the time...no need...if the decision is abt u...then u decide.if its about the other...let the other take the call and if the decision is about two of u then take a call on whether u want to be together or not...simple...where is the problem...don't bring unnecessary emotions into everything...it's not needed...u will end up with a heavy head and heavy heart...both burdened with nonsense.
Osho used to say that all problems cannot be solved but all problems can be dissolved or dropped...DROP IT BABA...or else keep suffering...
Learn the art of dropping the conflicts...and that will come when u will learn to be quiet and then become silent...and for that please meditate...pls start sitting silently, unfocussed for some time daily...withdrawing all ur energies and attention from everything....just being quiet....i am telling u its the most exciting thing possible...u will become a master of urself..
U say there are conflicts everywhere and every time u fall for it and then u cannot meditate...u see u r fooling urself...u want to meditate when u r restless though u should meditate when u r at peace...when u r relaxed...when u r silent...when u r feeling good...u r doing the opposite...u r trying to suppress ur conflicts in the garb of meditation....no, it wont work...in fact the floating of nonsense will increase by leaps and bounds if u meditate when uneasy.
And more importantly...why are u falling into frictions all the time...it's bcos there is no gap between ur action and ur mind...
Osho used to call it "being reactive" rather than "being responsive"...and to become responsive, and responsible and to create a gap learn to slow down in life...as u slow down in life there shall be a gap between what u hear and ur action...u will become more aware...more distant and with the right distance u see things very clearly...else u will just end up fighting the mud and shall keep getting deeper into it...slow down my dear...u have already tried running fast in all the directions...and u r becoming crazy...isn't it...or else why wld u be asking me this question.
And another friend says he feels betrayed all the time.
Once it happened that i was visiting a gentleman...he is around 75 years old.
He said "son, u know i was not well for last 1 year and was bedridden and i learn't one thing...and that is that in this world nobody cares for u...nobody is for u. Nobody bothered to visit or take care of me when i was not well"...and i said "sir, it took u 75 years to understand such a small thing."
So my dear, get this loud and clear that u may expect but don't expect ur expectations to be full filled...or else u will end up having a bitter taste left within. YOU ARE ALONE AND THAT IS THE WAY IT IS.
In this world everybody has different gods and different trigger points...somebody's god is money...somebody's god is sex...somebody's god is work....somebody's god is family...somebody's god is this or that...and here as one is subjected to one's trigger points one can change colors in ways that u cannot fathom.
A few months back somebody was telling me how the wounds of betrayal by a close friend years ago are still not healed...a similar thing somebody was telling me last week...as a human u r bound to get hurt unless u understand the nature of things here.
I have seen best of friends humiliating each other over a shirt worth 10 dollars and whole friendship just slowly going kaput...it's just a matter of a little bit of this and a little bit of that for a person to turn 180 degrees.
A person may tell u as to how u r the most important thing in his life...the only thing he could lose and just a bit of money or whatever and down the line, the same person might not even want to say a simple "good morning" to you...that's the way of life...don't blame anybody and don't blame urself if u want to grow. Move on if u don't like it without being judgmental....its perfect.
Give the other person the freedom to be oneself and if u don't agree with the persons behavior...accept ur feelings as well and move on.
life is movement...ppl come ppl go...things come things disappear...don't be overtly emotional about them or u will just end up being a pile of negativity.
There are things which u cannot change...leave them....
There are things which u can...make them better if u want...
But don't torture urself...it's a short life...few blinks and it's gone.
Rest as always choice is urs as to what u want to do with ur life...)))...
Good luck
Prem Kamal
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