Basic and foremost thing to be understood is that for inner growth u have to start from urself with urself...this is something nobody understands.
You will go to camp leaders and spiritual dealers and soul healers and god knows who all and they will give u a moral rhetoric as to how to accept and its not going to work...they themselves are facing the same problem as you...all sailing in the same boat.
First "Accept " urself and accept ur non acceptance as well.
When u r not able to accept something it simple means it is not making sense to u and that is absolutely fine. Acceptance doesn't mean that u have to call an overflowing drain as a stream of mineral water.
So "Acceptance" has to start with urself and that includes the acceptance of ur non acceptance.
Osho was always talking about acceptance but do u realize that he criticized almost everybody...he didn't even spare Buddha.....does that mean he was not accepting the things he criticized...no, that's not the case.
We carry this wrong notion about acceptance that acceptance means to say that everything is just fine...or "its ok"...no, pls don't say so if u don't feel so.
And if u understand this, suddenly ur hippocracy will drop totally and another thing that u will realize is that when u accept ur non acceptance...u will accept the other person as well.
You will say that i don't find it right but it's ur life, u pls carry on but if ur act is affecting me directly i am not going to allow u to do it...or u wld simply walk away from the situation respecting ur rejection of it and still accepting the other persons freedom to be unreasonable.There is no problem...the problem lies in the moral principles that u have been fed with and the limitations of the mind to understand the negativity that a situation brings in.
There are so many things which u cannot accept, it's fine...please move away or if somebody is barging in ur space doing something that u don't approve of...politely tell the person to excuse you...simple...and i am telling u it works fine...i have been living like that for almost a decade...if i don't accept something i move away or request the other person not to force himself upon me...that's not allowed.
Now comes another situation...the problem is that u want to play nice and goody goody all the time and perhaps to everybody...and that's why u suffer. Be genuine and authentic to urself without getting anxious...it will keep u sane or else u will be fragmented and lost.
Please understand that if u find the other person wrong very politely u can excuse urself from that situation rather than trying to ponder "how to accept"...u have already accepted urself...where is the question of how...u have accepted the other person as well by leaving him then and there and respecting him the way he is.
Another thing that u have to understand...there is something called " having an opinion"...and there is something called being "judgmental".
You have a right to opinion about things that u come across in life....but u have no right to become a judge and tell the other person to change...that's his prerogative and vice versa...u may tell the other person what u feel but u cannot force and pass a judgement for him to change...'thats interference.
So many times...almost all the times i see people confused about little things...even people who have meditated for 40 years dont understand any thing ...don't be confused about having an opinion and being judgmental...there is a difference...)))....
So first accept urself the way u are without being aggressive or submissive...u will do urself and others a lot of good...
that's the way u r and that's the way things r and that's the way life is...simple.
U are saying u have so many conflicts everywhere...again please understand what Aristotle said...here no body is an island...as long as u are alive u will have interaction with ppl as this life is about interdependence and u are going to have difference of opinion.The problem is that u are not aware when the difference of OPINION TURNS INTO A CONFLICT and becomes a major ego issue.
So what to do....
Well learn the art of dropping the conflicts...don't fight for every thing or every contradiction...don't be emphatic on being proven right all the time...no need...if the decision is abt u...then u decide.if its about the other...let the other take the call and if the decision is about two of u then take a call on whether u want to be together or not...simple...where is the problem...don't bring unnecessary emotions into everything...it's not needed...u will end up with a heavy head and heavy heart...both burdened with nonsense.
Osho used to say that all problems cannot be solved but all problems can be dissolved or dropped...DROP IT BABA...or else keep suffering...
Learn the art of dropping the conflicts...and that will come when u will learn to be quiet and then become silent...and for that please meditate...pls start sitting silently, unfocussed for some time daily...withdrawing all ur energies and attention from everything....just being quiet....i am telling u its the most exciting thing possible...u will become a master of urself..
U say there are conflicts everywhere and every time u fall for it and then u cannot meditate...u see u r fooling urself...u want to meditate when u r restless though u should meditate when u r at peace...when u r relaxed...when u r silent...when u r feeling good...u r doing the opposite...u r trying to suppress ur conflicts in the garb of meditation....no, it wont work...in fact the floating of nonsense will increase by leaps and bounds if u meditate when uneasy.
And more importantly...why are u falling into frictions all the time...it's bcos there is no gap between ur action and ur mind...
Osho used to call it "being reactive" rather than "being responsive"...and to become responsive, and responsible and to create a gap learn to slow down in life...as u slow down in life there shall be a gap between what u hear and ur action...u will become more aware...more distant and with the right distance u see things very clearly...else u will just end up fighting the mud and shall keep getting deeper into it...slow down my dear...u have already tried running fast in all the directions...and u r becoming crazy...isn't it...or else why wld u be asking me this question.
And another friend says he feels betrayed all the time.
Once it happened that i was visiting a gentleman...he is around 75 years old.
He said "son, u know i was not well for last 1 year and was bedridden and i learn't one thing...and that is that in this world nobody cares for u...nobody is for u. Nobody bothered to visit or take care of me when i was not well"...and i said "sir, it took u 75 years to understand such a small thing."
So my dear, get this loud and clear that u may expect but don't expect ur expectations to be full filled...or else u will end up having a bitter taste left within. YOU ARE ALONE AND THAT IS THE WAY IT IS.
In this world everybody has different gods and different trigger points...somebody's god is money...somebody's god is sex...somebody's god is work....somebody's god is family...somebody's god is this or that...and here as one is subjected to one's trigger points one can change colors in ways that u cannot fathom.
A few months back somebody was telling me how the wounds of betrayal by a close friend years ago are still not healed...a similar thing somebody was telling me last week...as a human u r bound to get hurt unless u understand the nature of things here.
I have seen best of friends humiliating each other over a shirt worth 10 dollars and whole friendship just slowly going kaput...it's just a matter of a little bit of this and a little bit of that for a person to turn 180 degrees.
A person may tell u as to how u r the most important thing in his life...the only thing he could lose and just a bit of money or whatever and down the line, the same person might not even want to say a simple "good morning" to you...that's the way of life...don't blame anybody and don't blame urself if u want to grow. Move on if u don't like it without being judgmental....its perfect.
Give the other person the freedom to be oneself and if u don't agree with the persons behavior...accept ur feelings as well and move on.
life is movement...ppl come ppl go...things come things disappear...don't be overtly emotional about them or u will just end up being a pile of negativity.
There are things which u cannot change...leave them....
There are things which u can...make them better if u want...
But don't torture urself...it's a short life...few blinks and it's gone.
Rest as always choice is urs as to what u want to do with ur life...)))...
Good luck
Prem Kamal
First...pls understand the 3 aspects of every relationship...
1. Fun (not talking about the fun where ppl just meet, enjoy and go their way...though nothing right or wrong with it)
2. Responsibility
3. Respect, which arises out of gratitude and thankfulness.
Second...about relationship lets be focused on two aspects..
1.Relationship in general and that would mean any relationship be that of of friends or man woman or worker and the owner or for that matter any relationship that exists between humans .
2.Relationship between a man and a woman i.e of lovers in particular.
what do we want in life...just ask urself...
why do we get associated with people and things...
why do we engage in any activity...
why do we do anything in life...
the answer is "to enjoy and have fun"...isn't it.
As far as my understanding is concerned "fun" has to be the binding factor of every relationship to begin with...
every relationship should bring lightness, freshness and should be rejuvenating and that can happen only if it is based on fun...on fulfillment...on easiness and then only can it gain some depth. And this goes for every relationship.
But somehow opposite of this is happening in all kinds of relationships......generally relationships are getting based on responsibility.
And this responsibility has become such a heavy word...IT'S DEMANDING.
All relationships become a burden...a drag...a"pile on" because of this word responsibility. Everybody is dragging oneself bcos of this word...everyone is just somehow forcing oneself to live or do things bcos of this one word "responsibility".
As far as what i see "fun" should be the central point of every relationship and then out of that fun comes responsibility which becomes love.
People always want somebody who is"fun" to be with...
and out of that a connection gets established which brings a sense of responsibility towards that person and that sense of responsibility gives tremendous fulfillment rather than the burden of any sorts that is born out of morality or social compulsions.
This fun and responsibility brings the "love"...
LOVE IS NOT WHEN U SEE SOMEBODY AND U FEEL "OMG I M IN LOVE"....THAT IS JUST ATTRACTION AND PERHAPS THE NATURE'S WAY OF FOOLING YOU FOR ITS OWN AGENDA .
U asked as to why every relationship becomes a burden after some time...
it's bcos of this very word "responsibility"...it makes everybody tired and serious and ugly...
every relationship becomes a burden bcos there is no "fun" left and whats left is some kind of compulsion or helplessness...almost like nowhere to go...and have no choice.
And when i say fun i simply mean the capacity to bring lightness...capacity to enjoy the company of other and harmonize those moments of being together...and that togetherness can be between friends, lovers , subordinates and workers...a mother and child...a father and child...whatever.
On SUBTLE levels that togetherness can be between an object and a human being...it happens only when a person is extremely sensitive and present in the moment.
Have u ever observed water in a still swimming pool...
and then observe it when suddenly children jump into it and if u r sensitive u will see it very clearly that the qualitative aspect of water has also changed...
u will FEEL that with those children the water is also feeling happy...it has also come alive...
and this goes with everything...u just need to be present in total sensitivity to see it.
So be very clear that the fun has to be the basis of every relationship and a solid foundation gets laid and out of which generates a sense of responsibility and this gets converted into love and this love brings tremendous "respect " for each other...and with respect this love gains depth...such a relationship can survive all situations...without respect it remains shallow...frothy...if there is just fun and responsibility but no respect...the love is just superficial and lacking in something.
You said that u feel like running away from everybody...it simply means u r surrounded by serious people and u too are one of the kind.
It simple means u r surrounded by people who are always working or tired or talking abt this problem and that problem and what to do .
Day in and day out living such a life with such people who are just so serious u seem to be on the verge of a breakdown and hence u want to run away.
It is happening to almost everybody in present times...relationships are becoming a burden and ppl are quickly getting tired of each other and of themselves.
The remedy is simple...instead of blaming others or running away, find ur dimension of fun...
find ur field of creativity...and suddenly ur energy will get channelized.
u will feel light and hence the other in ur company will also feel light...right now its the opposite....
u r bored n stuck n the other is bored n stuck n both of u feel like running away from each other and if u r not doing so its almost bcos u don't have that choice.
U know that u just might get stuck in the same situation next time with somebody else...so u r just dragging urself...
Please understand that nobody wants to be with people who are always complaining...who are always blaming others...who are always tired...who are always talking about this burden or that burden or compulsions of this responsibility...they make this life very heavy...it sounds like bearing the burden of the whole earth on ur head...and if u get such a person around then u cannot enjoy that company for long...or u will end up becoming like that person... and the fact of the matter is that here everybody is so badly stuck in this rigmarole of life that they r tired of themselves and they r tired of others...and i say this after meeting and seeing ppl from all over the world...perhaps of almost all ages...so pls start channelizing ur energy rather than running away or blaming others...others are also doing the same, they too are feeling like running away from everybody including u.
Now coming to man woman relationship...
the basic point to begin with man woman relation is "physical attraction"...this is law of nature, u cant help it. Another thing about human beings is that here everybody is conscious of ones body this way or that way...
The basics of a solid and fulfilling man woman relationship lies in "physical or sexual compatibility"....for a couple , for lovers this is the dimension of fun and if two ppl are not comfortable with each others body then that relationship is bound to fail...the marriage may survive but that relationship is not going to be SATISFYING. And when i talk of sexual compatibility i m not talk of high or low sexual energy levels...i m talking about the compatible energy levels where they can easily relate to each other through their bodies and feel comfortable abt it rather than getting more conscious more closed and withdrawn...when the sex energy is compatible...it is fun...and this makes ppl comfortable about their bodies in front of their partners and once this is taken care of half the battle is won.And u can very easily relate to anybody who makes u feel comfortable about ur body.
You said u r already bored and tired of the marriage, it simply means the sexual incompatibility, it means the lack of fun...the whole charm of meeting the opposite has somehow vanished...and now u don't know what to do.
Generally in such marriages ppl try to make their partners happy with gifts and entertainment trips and many such frivolous things...but it is very topical...it doesn't work and couples just remain unhappy in marriage but stay together bcos of their children.
And one thing i have observed in happy couples is that they are hardly bothered about compliments, money and gifts or any kind of reassuring words and they hardly demand anything from each other...
So now u know the problem....u can work on it...it's not that difficult...work on the sexual compatibility...work on the fun part...but if still the harmony doesn't come it simply means ur energies just cant be harmonized...they are in different orbits with totally different dimensions...may be u both are just not meant for each other...nothing wrong with it...it's life and it happens...move on .......or else keep living like this and keep suffering and die one day to be born again and repeat the whole chakra.
And now the most important part of any relationship...it is "RESPECT'...respect for ur partner or the other...
if despite having fun and managing responsibilities u don't have respect for ur partner or associate...be it ur husband...wife...worker...business partner...lover...whatever...the relationship is doomed.
If deep down u feel that ur partner or associate or ur husband or wife or lover is an idiot or stupid or hardly intelligent or not a good human being or whatever...it's not goin to work out towards fulfillment. Fault finding is a sign of something missing in ur association.
Strange it is that marriages seldom breaks bcos of infidelity, it often breaks bcos of lack of respect...it breaks bcos ppl think that they r living with an idiot...there is lack of respect...or one feels unwanted and uncared...one feels as if "not needed"...and that can be killing for anybody.
In the end it is the respect that shall count bcos with time the energy, dimensions and definitions of fun and responsibility will keep on changing but it's the "DEPTH" which comes out of respect that matters...rest is hogwash
EITHER DON'T GET ASSOCIATED WITH SOMEBODY...DON'T RELATE...AND IF U DO AT LEAST HAVE RESPECT IN UR HEART AND IT DOESN'T MEAN TO NECESSARILY AGREE TO WHATEVER THE OTHER PERSON SAYS
SO ANYBODY WHO READS THIS, KINDLY REMEMBER THAT "PLEASE RESPECT EVERYTHING THAT U COME ACROSS IN LIFE...BE IT PEOPLE OR THINGS...PLEASE DON'T GIVE CARE A DAMN ATTITUDE...PLEASE DON'T TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED BY BEING INDIFFERENT...HERE EVERYTHING WANTS TO BE LOVED AND CARED FOR...AND UR INDIFFERENCE OR CLEVERNESS OR WRONG ATTITUDE WILL JUST DESTROY UR LIFE SUBTLY...NATURE IS NEVER KIND TO SUCH PEOPLE, THAT'S A LAW"
Rest it's ur choice...)))...
All the best...
Prem Kamal
"All confusions in decision making arise bcos of ur greed...
u want this and u want that and u want this and that together...it doesn't work that way...
u want the blues and greens at the same time though u don't have the money for both....
u want to meditate and be rich in terms of worldly wealth at the same time....it is not possible...to be super rich u have to be superbly focused, aggressive and charged up while to explore the depth of meditation u have to be totally unfocused , non violent and in a let go...both are contradictory but still u want both...u cant decide and u dont reach anywhere...
u want to have a safe career option working from 7 to 7 and yet u want to have an exciting, free, adventurous life...it is not possible...where will u get the time if u r working all the while in order to be secure....
u want to sit on the office chair whole day making money and u desire the health of an athlete who is slogging in the gym or running on the ground.....nah.....not possible....
u want the heavy pay packet that u are getting but u don't like ur work, u don't want the office politics, u dont like the odd hours that u have to work and u dont want the constant criticism and nagging from ur boss and subordinates....well its not possible...if u want the money u have to pay a price for it or else quit....simple...no confusion
But bcos of ur greed u r not able to see the contradictions u r chasing all the time...and u r confused about where u r going wrong and what to do about it.
u r trying to be clever and in the end u end up cheating urself...nobody else..
And all greed is there bcos u have lost the capacity to trust ur instincts....
the capacity to listen to ur heart.......
and u have lost the capacity to listen to ur heart bcos heart is subtle and mind is loud...always making noise...always running...the noise of the mind suppresses the subtle inexplicable instincts of the heart..
And why is mind making so much noise and running all the time....bcos of fear and greed.....
why there is fear n greed...bcos of ignorance....
why and what is the ignorance.....)))))))......its a big vicious circle..........bla bla bla bla...."
Coming to what u asked,
Well, i will share with you my parameters about decision making......
First, whatever i have to do, I see if it is according to nature...is it part of the natural flow.....if yes then there is no problema
Second, is my action going to hurt somebody physically....if yes then its not worth my while...hurting somebody mentally is irrelevant.
Third, do i feel happy doing this....if yes then no matter how somebody else feels, for me it is guda...I am game for it...whatever the end result....happiness is not wrong if it meets the first two conditions.
Now this is more than enough for me and i actually don't have to think about these parameters, this is a spontaneous flow for me about deciding something.
Now "how to make the right choice"
Well there is no right choice and there is no wrong choice.....
whenever one makes a choice, one does so beleiving that this is the right one and more often than not one ends up with the wrong result....result is not in ur hands...
So if u r asking how to be always successful in making the choice which gets u the result u want....well there is no holy grail to it....pls dont try to search for it.
Now let me elaborate a bit....
Years back a friend of mine asked me during a meditation camp.
He said " suppose a snake comes in front of me and i am not somebody who would want to kill it and i dont want to be bitten either...what do I do "
And i said
"firstly...a snake comes in front of u and u feel like running away....just run away...and then if smbdy teases u that oh u r a coward or weak hearted or bla bla...dont feel guilty abt it...it happened the way it was meant to happen...dont try to make any judgements about ur action now...don't crib..
Second situation is snake comes and its so sudden that u just get very angry and charged up and u end up breaking its neck and killing it....thats fine too....now pls dont regret that why u did it...don't think as to how could u kill an innocent animal and u are such a good soul and a non violent person.....and on n on.....it happened spontaneously...simple....move on..
Third situation is that snake comes in front of u and u decide that u r not going to do anything abt it even if u get bitten...u will not hurt the animal....now may be that the snake passes away from the sides without doing anything....without harming u.....that is absolutly ok but then pls dont start rationalising that it was ur gud karma or that u r such a good human being that mother nature saved u or that u remembered ur guruji or god and the blessings descended upon u and u got saved...no....these things are inexplicable...don't try to rationalise or glorify them...
And the last situation is that u decide to stay put and the snake bites u.....that too is fine....run for treatment but dont regret ur decision now...lesson learnt that its better to run away in such situations..."
So, the essence of whatever i said is that its not abt the decision u make....it's abt the way u always end up regretting all ur actions....or the end results...
u do something u regret and u don't do something u still regret....it's the regret which is the problem and botheration rather than the choice of action.
It happens all the time.....a person goes to the market with a friend to buy a shirt. He enters the showroom and gets fixated on the blue one....his friend suggests white one.......now he is confused........
Listen to ur heart.....do what ur heart says
Please understand that its not abt the choise u make...it's abt the mind which wants to create conflict no matter what u do.....
Mind wants to run and run....and conflict is its food... MIND goes on dividng itself into many parts in forms of different logics and there is no pattern to all the logics in life if u start working at all of them at the same moment....mind is just running in multidirections all the time but u cannot go to east and west at the same moment...
So whatever u decide...after that "just surrender"...surrender is the key...
and this is called destiny ......"something happened bcos it was meant to happen.."
Now drop it and move on"....something which appears right at this moment can be wrong in other moment...things are in a flux...so are the situations ....and almost everything....don't try to have standard answers to all the questions /situations of life.....u will always be confused...))))))))....and it is not necessary to be always right....like they say "its not necessary to win every time....but the game must go on"....participate in this game of life...in the game of situations....do ur best and then
move on......winning or losing is not in ur hands....)))....
So do whatever u feel is spontaneously appealing and instinctive at the moment and then just move on.....the moment is gone...the decision got made....whatever was to happen happened....no point in cribbing now.......
U made ur decision at that moment...whether u decided to listen to ur rationalizations and logics or u decided to listen to ur heart...its fine...there are no perfect answers to every situation in life...and its wonderful that way or else life wld be predictable and monotonous.
And last thing i want to suggest is...."please keep ur options open....pls keep ur exit route open.....just don't barge into a dark tunnel thinking that ur lucky stars will take care of u...they just may disappoint u "
All the best
Prem Kamal
Meditation is not your priority because of mainly 5 reasons
1. You are not a successful person....by success means u have not reached what ur targets were...u have not lived ur life in totality, u have been lukewarm in every act of life.
2. You still live in hope .......
3. You r not intelligent enough......
4. Disaster has not struck u as of yet..........
5. You dont realize that u r going to lose everythig that u have....
Now u will find it very strange reading as to what i am saying.
My friend u are not successful bcos u have not been able to achieve to the level where u can say "o , more of this doesn't make sense....."
u have not chased men/women with totality.....
u have not worked really hard in the vocation u r in...
u have not gone deep in friendship, in relationships....
u have not loved anybody with intensity....
u have not chased money and reached the point of questioning as to what u r doing....is this what u r living for....
u have not done a single act in ur life which is able to take u till the end point of it...from where there is no movement possible......
u have not entertained urself with worldy pleasures successfully, totally to the the extent that u cld see the futility of it...
u have not been able to pamper ur senses to the level where u realize that it is not enough to fill some deep "void" after every achievement....
U have lived ur life like almost lethargic...no intensity or gest....as if u have all the time in this world.....actually u have not done even an act of totality in ur life if u look honestly...
(wait, dont try to understand before reading further.......)
For example,
If u were rich by now u wld have seen the futility of possessing lot of money....
money would have stopped being ur motivational force and hence u would not be distracted by it.
And i am not saying that u don't have money...all i m saying is u r not rich despite having so much money....to possess money and to be rich are 2 different things.
If u were rich u wld have stopped putting so much energy into making money by now and would have began ur search for something higher and the energy saved wld have easily been put into meditation.
So u r still not rich enough to transcend money...u want to collect more n more of it, and with more of it u invest again to have still more and hence u live in fear, greed which takes away all ur energies and keeps u busy.
The momentum of violent energy that is required to make money and to save what u already have is not leaving u focused or interested enough in meditation.
To make money u need to get maximum out of ur client and workers....to make lots of money u need to get maximum out of ur subordinates and seniors....its a game of keeping onself on the edge to progress in life and a person living on the edge of anxiety can never meditate.
So i suggest go all out for money or whatever u feel will liberate u or bring ultimate peace and when u have really tried u will realize the futility of it and then perhaps u will grow enough to understand the importance of meditation.
In a nut shell what i am saying is that chase ur dreams with total intensity.....all out....
give urself totally in love...to the woman or man who u r obsessed with....
give totally in friendship to the friend or person who u feel is closest to ur heart....
whatever inspires u in life go all out for it...
and sooner than later u shall realize that nothing liberates...
u will find that after u have achieved what u wanted so desperatly "there remains a huuuuuuuge void...a huge vacuum....a big feeling of having got cheated"...
"NOTHING FAILS LIKE SUCCESS".......and when u have really succeeded u realize the magnanimity of the failure and when u have got the woman / man u wanted, the house u were so desperate for, the car u were willing to kill for.....u see that it amounts to nothing.....that feeling of emptyness falls onto u totally and then u realise the failure of all that u got .....u realize that u are either just chasing or managing things...u are not able to live..
U will find that u r just trying to manage people, time, resources, energy,relations, health....n so many other things....but u r not able to live...just live without being preoccupied with anything
And once u r really failed by being total , it would lead u to a burnout and after that either one becomes lifeless , depressed or else if one is lucky and one meets the right person one takes to meditation or if one is into it already one would be drowning oneself into meditation.
And since u are not successful to the point of "saturation" in anything so to speak , u still live in hope....
u feel that u will put a bit more effort...or u will try a different way...and if this much is not satisfying u will go for more....
if this relation is not working u will go for another one...
it's like u are jumping from one idea to the other and from the "here to more " ...
u r continuously busy in finding new toys to keep u busy...old girlfriend goes new one comes...old boyfriend disappears...one finds a new one...
one car tires u....u get busy to find the means to bring a new one...and hence u keep living in hope...and living in hope that may be next one satisfies...
You just don't want to see that "nothing else is meant to complete you....be it a relationship , money , cars or possessions...that's not the law of nature"
ur energy is always divided and focused on "the other"...it gets fragmented...its like " rolling stone gathers no mass"...
And hence u r not able to meditate...it doesn't become ur priority...
too manY issues distracting u all the time....and whole life u r just chasing with hope...
u r not willing to see things as they are...but ur hope make u run towards future...
if u really become total u will succeed and with success u will fail and with this failure u will lose hope....u will not be fooled by any new ideas...the only choice then left wld be to meditate.
Thirdly,
u r not intelligent or aware enough to see life,
to what is happening all around to people, to urself, to the world ,
to the increasing number of depresseds all around,
to the increase in the temper and a steep fall in the level of patience of humanity in general everywhere ,
u r not willing to the see the lives of people in old age...
and perhaps so many other aspects of life u r not able to feel n observe...
if u do, u will immediately drop ur so called intelligence and shall begin a move towards what the wise-men have always said over the centuries "MEDITATE"....
And lastly,
perhaps nature has been kind to u till this point in life...
perhaps somehow u have not gone through something so shocking which shakes ur roots...
something which has broken ur heart...some state of helplessness...
but my friend this life spares nobody...here nobody remains a virgin, life fucks all...
history of humanity shows u that.................
From Michael Jackson to Marlon Brando to Marlyn Monroe to Whitney Housten to Alexander to Guru Dutt to Meena Kumari to....on n on n on....
From Rockstars to Filmstars to top Politicians to most Beautiful of Damsels to the most Richest ...to the very common man...nobody gets spared...What is it that they miss out that despite all the glory n achievements they still die unhappy.....and what is it for the common man who also dies unhappy....somewhere something is missed by everybody...almost everybody...."yes, and that missed point can be found by meditation"
Osho used to say "meditation is the first and last freedom"...
he was right, and what he meant was that if u keep meditating u will reach that point of liberation where u will be free...
free from mind...free from all the bondages...
Only meditation can take u to the point where everything instead of becoming a bondage gets converted into love and compassion.
Good luck
Prem Kamal
My dear friend, I appreciate the fact that u asked such a question despite being so called "successful"... it's not easy to accept ones misery after being successful in the worldly ways...))).
What u have asked has 3 different and diverse parameters... hard work, success, happiness
Let me share my experience and understanding about these 3 words.
Hardworking...
Have u ever observed as to what is the easiest thing to do in life.
And u will be surprised to know it's "hardworking" specially when things r going ur way.
Just look around, almost everybody is working hard...even those who are sitting are working hard in their minds, even the people who have retired are working hard even without working...they r just so restless sitting in their chairs...
Hard working is almost like a drug....one just doesn't know how to live without it in these times.
If u promise to pay ur worker for sitting idle, u will be surprised to know that after 2 days he will go crazy...he would start asking for something to do.
Why is it so, bcos hardworking is the easiest option, the most difficult option is right working, relaxed working.
Since u r already successful, try relaxing for a day...no talks, no phones, no tv, just total let go....u won't be able to bear it even for 30 minutes...just being with urself, no interference from anybody ...so difficult to relax and be with urself.
So first of all get this very clear that hardworking is not a virtue by any means ,
it's only for those workaholics who have no idea as to how to be relaxed, how to just enjoy this moment...how to be...ppl only know "how to do", they have no idea about "how to be".
You see we are "human beings and not human doings"....but we have lost the idea of being.
Hardworking has never helped anybody in living a beautiful life, it can only help u in acheiving targets, in hoarding the resources of life quickly.
Hardworking is just an obsession with ideas/ goals...and life as such has no goals,
This is leela to be enjoyed, a game to be played , not some kind of war that needs to be won by all means.
Hardworking shall take u to extremes and then burnouts and frustrations.
If u succeed still u wont be happy...if u fail...the result shall remain the same.
Hardworking is like arguing, even if u win the arguement u won't feel good, if the argument is lost, still the bittterness stays.
Hardworking is one extreme and laziness or lethargy is another extreme and extremes are never good.
Have u ever wondered that if u were alone in this world or with limited number of people in this world, would u be working hard, would u be trying to chase goals and hoard resources.
No, u won't.
Or if somebody tells u that u are goin to die after 2 days, will u still work hard or would u want to look at sun, at flowers, at children playing, enjoy eating ur food or enjoying ur cup of tea...feeling the fresh air...n so on...
Just the basic chores u wld want to live which u r so indifferent to right now, isn't it.
Just ask urself this simple question and chances are ur whole understanding will go topsy turvy.
Then why u do it.
First reason is peer pressure / social pressure.
Second and the most important "u don't know any other way of living ...
u don't know what to do with ur life...ur energy...ur time...
u never learn't any other way to live...nobody ever told u n u never saw it "
There is a saying "zindagi doo baras kee, samaan soo baraas ka......life is for a few years and we accumulate for centuries".
Hardworking can get u to accumulate the material wealth for 100 years but it will washout the real life that u have in hand.
That's why old age is so dreaded ...u work hard all ur life to acheive and accumulate but suddenly u realize and find that u cannot do anything with watever u have accumulated.
Life just slipped away...and for what...3 houses, 5 cars, 7 factories or more...bla bla bla.
Hardworking is not a virtue existentially, so don't be proud of it.....
just see what it has done to u and u may understand what i m trying to point at.
"Insomnia " is one of the end results of hardworking.
And hardworking is basically nothing but escapism from this moment.
Hardworking is nothing but an ideology of inflated ego.
Hardworking is nothing but an extension of the lust to power, to dominate, to control, to feel special, to feel different.
And hardworking is basically born out of fear of death which u want to conquer...it's foolishness.
U asked why u r unhappy "hard working is precisely one of the reasons......)))...."
Successful...
what is being successful.
To me the capacity to say "i quit" is the measure of success...
if u r so free that u can drop anything if it interferes with ur joy and peace is being successful....
To me success means " the capacity to live and to have lived totally with watever life presents/presented with....be it work, sports, studies relationships, food , sleep, morning walks....watsoever."
To me success means "to live a life in a manner that u always feel fulfilled for no reason...to be free from greed and fears...to live without hope...to be so complete that if next moment u have to die...there is not a bit of turbulence...no regrets"
Your definition of success is set by ur parents or ur relatives or ur society or people around u.
For me, definition of success is " to be free from the agenda set by others...other than myself for my life..."
U asked why u r unhappy...
bcos ur success is not ur success, it's something fed to u by others and chasing that u have not been able to fulfill ur destiny....
to live the way existence sent u to live...
ur success is just a wrong notion, making money is not the definition of success......
making money is one the easiest thing to do in life.....
You just need to understand the law of "demand and supply"...
Locate the demand and simply supply and u become a rich person...simple.
That's what happens in a stock market.
People hoard shares of a company...they create a demand...and then it goes high and then they supply at the high point, they become rich, very rich.
Same with commodities from cocoa to oil to metals to agri products to real estate...but is it success....may be for u...it's simple manipulation or understanding of human greed along the lines of demand and supply and playing it well...its just so easy...what's great about this kind of success.
Politicians become rich...contractors become rich.
Pay bribes...take contracts and make money...but is it richness.
Just think, what such actions has made of our lives.
Where r we heading....
Puncturing holes into mother earth from everywhere just to encroach upon everything.
For what...and we don't even realize that earth is more than 75% water...the 25% can easily disappear into that 75% percent, and then once the humanity is drowned all success stories will disappear with it.....))))....
My friend, start questioning ur wisdom...ur understanding of things.
Slow down...in doing so u will become aware.
Just watch every thought of urs, where is it taking u.
Just see how u r doing same thing again n again and keep falling in the same misery.
And then, stop doing what u have been doing.
Let ur happiness, peace n joy be ur guides, ur motivating factors rather than the social compulsions, hard work and success.
Learn to live every moment...learn to be present while drinking a glass of water, or eating food or watering trees or cleaning ur car or talking to ur subordinate.
Let every action be so full of awareness that it brings total fullfillment in this moment.
And this is called "meditation".
The art of coming to this moment...the art of staying in this moment.
Life is never in "then n there...it's in now and here".
Stop running, this road of success can only lead to craziness and nothing else...just a matter of time.
All the best.
Prem kamal
Guruji...i always feel that nobody understands me...nobody has ever understood me....
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{ this guruji sounds so funny to me all the time...)))...as if i have become ancient...)))...}
PERTAINING to what u said,
I hear this so often...almost all the times...the same feeling expressed in so many different ways...that " nobody understands me"... and i always feel that this is a wrong point of focus.
So what if nobody understands u.
Why do u want that others should understand u .
But to your question i must update ur understanding that:
Nobody understands u bcos nobody is meant to understand u...that's not the law.....
Nobody understands u bcos even u don't understand urself at all...
You urself are at a loss to figure out as to what u want...
As to what u are looking for ...
As to what exactly u are searching for...
Nobody understands u bcos nobody understands oneself and hence nobody understands anybody in this world.
America doesn't understand Iran...Russia doesn't understand America...India and Pakistan are always at a loss to understand each other...same goes for Israel AND perhaps rest of the world...
A man doesn't understand a woman...a child is always trying to figure out the crazyness of the adults...a mother in law cannot understand daughter in law...a husband is always trying to figure out his wife and vice versa ...
One religion just doesn't understand the concepts of the other one...
"the straights" cant understand the bi's ...
So this is an eternal struggle going on...and here everybody is busy pointing fingers and blaming others ,exactly like u r doing...believing that "the other is hell"...
Here everybody is swinging on one's own big multi directional pendulum of emotions and thought conditioning...and u expect others to stop and get down from their rides and then patiently try to listen and understand you...)))...u r asking for the impossible.
And let me tell u as to why it is not possible to understand others or for that matter urself...
There are 3 dimensions to human life....body, mind and soul.
Bodies are totally different, the genetics the looks etc etc...every body is totally unique.
Minds are not absolutely different...which we call ideology or like mindedness...the thoughts can be similar at times but very rarely similar at the same time....the problem with mind is that most of the times it always runs to the opposite of what it hears...it doesn't want to agree with with what is proposed ....it does so bcos thats the only way mind can survive...if it starts agreeing with what is proposed to it, it will die immediately...and since u have no other faculty to understand other than mind u end up being a slave to it...it is always creating fights in u by running to the opposite of what anybody says.....that is why u have this feeling that nobody understands u...that is why mind is always running and fighting inside and outside...mind survives on conflicts and it has a mechanism to create them on its own...u cannot have a total understanding unless u r away from mind...mind center can never bring understanding ...mind is the wrong center to work from....
And soul is the same and one for everybody.
So, the world of body is the world of needs, there is deep struggle for the resources to feed the needs of the body...
The world of mind /thoughts is a struggle of desires or ego or control or conflicts or superiority...
And the world of soul is the world of harmony...no struggle...just oneness...perfect understanding...and that is why budhas are in perfect harmony...in perfect oneness...in state of uninterrupted bliss....total clarity.
The essence of what i am saying is that as long as one is living through mind center , please don't expect to be understood or to be able to understand anybody...its not possible.You will have to understand urself first....u will have to transcend ur mind first...and once u understand urself ,this desire to be understood by others will vanish forever..u will laugh at the stupidity of what u were doing and what others are doing.
And it's a big unease to live in mind...
Transcend to the higher platform...start meditating...for that is the only way to understand urself and perhaps understand everybody...nothing else will work and u can have my word on it.
Drop this idea and desire to be understood by anybody...
Understand urself first...understand where u r...find ur real center...ur true self....
And if u don't do so u will keep suffering , u will make others suffer and ur life is just going to be a waste...choice is urs.
And now u cannot even say that "nobody ever told u..."....))))))))...
This is the whole journey of humans...
from needs to desires to silence...and that is the only difference between human beings and other species of this existence...that only humans have to go through this journey...no plant no animal no stone no other matter has this setup available in their lives...they don't have a mind, they don't have desires, they dont have sense of rationalization...their way is pre programmed...yours is not.
All the best
Prem Kamal
Sir, what according to u is the Osho's message and why am i not able to understand it ?
My friend .....
Please pay attention to a very basic and a very important point....all the ppl who have experienced or known truth or who got enlightened and went beyond it so to speak...are saying the same thing...and it is explained in 3 points...from Kabir to Guru Nanak to Buddha to krishna to Gurdjieff to anybody...all there expressions and words are just about these 3 points. Their whole msg contains only these 3 things or steps as one may call . The only difference is that somebody is more elaborate and simplistic...like Osho and Krishna and somebody is less elaborate like krishnamurthy or Gurdjieff.
U asked what is "Osho's message"
1. First point...the way it is, Life is pain, life is struggle, life is a continuous state of restlessness AND A DEEP INNER VACUUM. Guru Nanak called it "nanak dukhyia sab sansaar...everybody is suffering."...and since there is pain and unhappiness or dukh...there is a reason to it...this is the first point. And they go explaining how life is a pain...how a poor is also struggling and how a rich is also struggling....how a healthy person is also complaining all the time and how a not so healthy person is doing the same....how a woman is at unease and the same way goes for man...how somebody very famous is missing something in life as the one who is totally anonymous...this way or that way...there is perpetual and unending unease.
2.Second point....since there is pain and there is a reason...the reason can be found, understood and thus eliminated...and this uneasiness or insecurity can be sorted out. And masters have told so many ways and meditation techniques to get rid of this reason of suffering and reach the permanent state of bliss...some call it "finding urself"..."who am i"...some call it "disappearing in one"...some call it knowing god...some call it becoming shunya...some say it reaching the consciousness or atma...some call it your true self....n on n on........
3. Thirdly....how to know that one has reached ...or one is liberated or one knows.....and what happens if one reaches the state of truth...and mystics have gone great lengths describing this state of "becoming love" becoming one" "the state of ecstasy for no reasons".
So Osho's message is just about these 3 steps and it is somehow every self realized persons message...it's wrong to call it message it's more like "their expressions"....their poetry...their songs.
So firstly there is pain and vacuum...secondly one can be relieved of pain by understanding the reasons for it and thirdly what happens when u get rid of all this suffering...that's it...story finished......))))).........
Now comes a very important point.......
See...out of theses 3 points, first one is very easy to understand...its easy to relate to it bcos at some point or the other everybody is going through this restlessness...so whenever a master explains how life is pain one is always in agreement...and one understands it.
Now comes the second point...the second point where "the transformation" or understanding takes place...to watch the reasons of this vacuum and then to get transformed. Since this second step involves the biggest challenege bcos one has to change oneself ....to go through a very painful process of looking at oneself without even knowing how to look at oneself...people escape this step very conveniently...just a few meditation techniques...few sessions of catharsis...few sessions of shedding tears....few discourses over a period of time...few mystic rose programes....the mind accumulate all the words and one feels that one understands and starts saying things which are to be visible on its own after one has reached. And then in real life person falls flat bcos one realises that nothing has changed....still same reactions and heart breaks....)))....one starts meditating again and same thing happens.......now a person reaches a state where one feels that one knows listening to the words and one also knows deep down that "one does'nt know"....and this is a very scary and suffocating position where a seeker loses the capacity to learn and listen....the growth stops completely...at this point one needs a real master and not a camp leader or a teacher....only the one who is out of this web can pull u out ......nobody else can...not possible....
And so a person generally jumps from first point to 3rd point directly where one starts talking abt bliss and love and silence and depth and nirvana....all that one has heard from the master or read somewhere.
You can see it everywhere....u can see osho sannyasins sitting and talking abt these things everywhere but just 5 minutes and u will realize its all hogwash....mere words...no transformation just information. One can clearly see the shallowness of what they keep on saying.
When i traveled to different communes and met so many camp leaders...all the time i used to get amazed at how ppl are fooling themselves...everybody was trying to give the wisdom to the other and the other was in turn doing the same...and both were grossly sad and empty deep down...i used to see it happening all the times...i saw camp leaders who took sanyas from osho and meditated with him....and still not growing at all despite so many years of meditation. It was so clearly visible...they had jumped from the first point to the third point directly without having gone through the process of change and transformation...and now they are guiding others....what to do...that's how it is....generally ppl try to become "a master"...without having been "a disciple"...but that doesn't work...to get rid of this pain one has to go through a deep inner cleansing...total wash...absolute clean slate.
Now how does one miss the second point ...."the art of transformation".
Osho used to say that all my words are useless..."don't ever get trapped in them"...it's "the one behind those words " which holds the key to all the secrets and bliss....but what happens is exactly the opposite....a seeker falls in love with the masters words and gets lost in them....one gets so engrossed in those words and the techniques that one misses out the very first lesson by the master...
And hence generally a person ends up becoming a parrot rather than self realized....you will see parrots everywhere and gradually u will get tired of and them and i m not saying these ppl are not good human beings....they r wonderful human beings but no good when it comes to what u r searching for. Generally in camps u will finds parrots taking the camps repeating osho techniques and cds....so strange osho always said that don't get lost in words all these techniques are not required beyond the starting point..still i used to see all these camps leaders glorifying and telling lies about these meditation techniques.....kundalini and chakras and heart centres and bla bla, they give such fantastic definitions and explanations that one gets lost in them ....pls dont take these things seriously....keeps on listening to the words and doing techniques but the main thing is "use them to drop ur mind...use them for "silence"...once u are able to drop ur mind and start moving into silence...then the process of "dhyan or meditation" begins.....the real game starts....))).........
The second step is the most important, don't be in a hurry to cross that....the day ur slate gets cleaned, everything is going be so clear that the third step will happen on its own...all ur questions, anxieties, search...will just vanish......ur dream will get shattered and u will be "awakened"...u will be OSHO........ AND THEN HIS MESSAGE IS GOING TO BE UR MESSAGE.
Prem Kamal
