Honesty........should one be truthful and honest all the time.......

Honesty is "the most important".....and i am not talking about your definition of being honest.

The definition of your honesty is more moralistic than being existentially correct....and that is why you yourself are confused.

What do you understand about being honest....and honest to whom.
Are you  talking about speaking truth all the time...or are you talking about being honest towards your husband or spouse or your boyfriend/girlfriend.....
Are you talking about being honest while paying your taxes correctly or are you talking about telling truth to your children all the time........

What are the dimensions and paremetres of honesty that you  carry in your mind.
Is it about being honest to your country or your friends or to your parents or towards your employer ......or being honest towards your  workers.

Is it about being honest when you see that it is going to kill you or somebody.......

If you get entangled in these frivolous ideas, u will always be confused....no clarity.

And if you move without clarity you will be divided and gradually schizophrenic......you will have multiple standards in your life and you will always be confused as to what is right and what is wrong......you will begin to manipulate things and situations most of the times.......

Please observe a little fact about life.........you came first into this world and then others came into your life...and then gradually associations happened and then gradually conflict of ideas and morals and thinking patterns......isn't it...

So first things first..... you came first and you should be important to yourself and hence you should be honest to yourself.....that is the first ground rule as far as my understanding and experience is concerned.

"Be honest to yourself " and rest all will fall in place.....everything....and if you are not honest to yourself then no matter how much you try to make others happy, you will always be in trouble and others will always be in trouble bcos of you.

You will be compromising in life bcos of others and in return you will make them compromise for you....and in the end everybody ends up blaming everybody else for their miseries.

And this could still be confusing as to what "being honest to yourself means"

Being honest to yourself means that "happiness is always right and don't do anything that makes you unhappy , that creates hesitation in you , don't do anything that doesn't go with your nature".

Most of the times we are in a situation where we are doing things because of people around us.....where we feel that we should do or not do something because it will make somebody important in our life unhappy...we feel almost compelled to do it rather than our hearty wish.....

No, be honest to yourself and let others not decide for you , don't do anything because somebody will be upset if you don't do so ......or else you will always be confused.....what to do,what not to do........

There are relations every where and there are complicated situations because of them .....sometimes your spouse would want something and your parent may want something else.....sometimes one of your child may want something and the other child may want exactly opposite of that.....and sometimes you yourself would want to do so many things which others will not want....it's going to be one hell of a compromise to your nature if you are always playing to the gallery ....

And please understand that you are not going to be always getting favourable outcome bcos of your instincts.....but you will never blame anybody else for your miseries and failures if you are honest to yourself in listening to your heart .

Here, generally we are blaming others for all the  problems in our lives.

I have seen elderly cribbing about how they wasted their lives for their children and now children are no where to be found , they are far and away and sometimes not even interested in them.

I have seen housewives cribbing about how they are in a fix and tied up bcos of their husband and children ...and i have seen husbands just wanting to run away from their homes  because they are living a life that they don't want .......

Why so much mental chaos all around.........the reason is simple......most of the people are acting against their basic nature,they fall in a trap and they end up doing things they don't want to do.....they are compromising....and they do it because they are afraid that others might get hurt.

So be very clear...if you are not honest to yourself ...you will never be able to be honest with others....it's not possible....at the most you will be diplomatically correct....BE AWARE THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN TO ACT TO OTHERS WISHES....YOU ARE HERE TO LIVE YOUR DREAMS AND DESTINY.....

Honesty  to yourself will set you free......free from others and gradually free from your mind and conflicts..........

Honesty is not about being truthful all the time.....it's about being true to yourself, to have the capacity to listen to your heart rather than the calculations of your mind......

AND PLEASE ALSO UNDERSTAND  THAT SPEAKING OUT THE TRUTH KNOWING THAT IT MAY KILL SOMEBODY, IS NOT A SENSIBLE THING.....it's not about your capacity to tell the truth that matters most of the times...it's the capacity of the other person to listen to it and digest it that's relevant ....so be prudent by being realistic rather than moralistic.....

"Honesty to yourself....don't delay it.....life is too short to be little"........
It's difficult in the beginning but its worthwhile...perhaps the only thing that is worth your while...."honesty.....to yourself".....it will save you from becoming a hypocrite... from feeling something else and doing something else....

Don't compromise, don't be blackmailed , don't be enslaved........if you want to be at peace.....otherwise you can very well play the game that everybody is playing with great unease.......your life, do whatever.......

                                                             Prem Kamal

EGO.........HOW IT GROWS........

Coming to the second part of your question  as to 
"How ego is formed and the way it grows.First please understand that to live in this world you have to have an identity and this identity is just a reference , a part of system to make things convenient.

Now if you become identified with this identity it becomes ego.All kinds of identifications lead to ego formation.Now this may sound a bit complicated so let me take your example.

Now assuming that your name is "X or jack" and I  tell you that there is no jack its just a name ,you will agree immediately.Your name is just a name.....nothing more...it can be changed anytime, you are not the name.So its obvious that a name is just a name.
Now assuming your neighbor has a pet....a puppy ....and he starts calling  that puppy  "jack"......day in and day out all the time moving with his puppy he addresses him as "jack"...........will you not be effected.?

Deep inside you will be terribly affected, upset and angry despite knowing that it is just a name.You will not be liking it at all......and this name has now become a part of your ego...because though your mind says you are not jack and it's just a name...still you are identified with it and feeling miserable....and that's exactly how this ego grows and multiplies , by our identifications with  name...surname...caste....nationality...sexuality....and bla bla though we go on telling ourselves that all this is useless.

When listening to the master or the guru you will nod your head in agreement that all this is futile but as soon as you move out in your daily life ....you will be identified with these terms and will go on fighting for them....and the misery perpetuates. Osho used to give his sannyasins a new name....it was just a psychological device to break one's identification with the old...all that one carries in the head....but there also people got emotional and identified with their names.
In fact so many times they go to depths to find the meaning of their new names, analyzing why they got this name and then they feel so attached to it.............

And they stay where they are...no progress spiritually...old habits die hard....they identify themselves with new names.....they fail their master..... what to do,that's how it happens.,,.....
They become emotional about their beads and malas and names and experiences of sannyas and bla bla.....something that was meant to be fun becomes ego in a subtle way.

Now on one hand this identification of yourself makes this ego..............another aspect of life that perpetuates the ego is the idea that you are a "doer"..........that you are doing whatever is HAPPENING.

Now "life is movement..." and there is action every moment.
And every action will lead to two kinds of results............
One ,something that you wanted and hoped for....and you are successful in getting that.....

Or second kind of result which is opposite to your hopes and expectations....where you feel as if you have failed.
Now in  both the cases if you associate yourself as a "doer"... ego will be formed.

First ,assuming that you were successful in what you wanted to do.........you will feel elevated,you will feel special, great, your chest will swell with pride or inside you will feel  "o, i am definitely intelligent"..........
And then  density of all these expressions gets multiplied when you get appreciated by your friends and family and loved ones......this ego multiplies.....you start creating certain impressions about yourself in the mind....you feel special........
Pride and all its cousins come in,sometimes very subtly sometimes very visible.

In the second case when you fail..........you will feel bad,a failure,kinda lost out, not good enough, a bit guilty, inferior, dejected......and so on and so forth.
Now you will begin to identify yourself with these psychological expressions

Again the ego is formed....again you got associated.............

So this way or that way ego keeps on multiplying...sometimes in a positive way and sometimes the opposite.

Now this is a strange situation.............whatever you do.........you are going to be in trouble and this trouble will keep on multiplying...."THE EGO KEEPS GROWING"....

So what to do.......simple........"Surrender".......don't get identified with the action and the result , see and understand that  the action  happened that way......and the result also came that way.
You just  did your karma.........nothing else.

That was the essence of "Gita" when krishna said to Arjun...that you do your job without getting associated with it.
Life has brought you a situation, do whatever happens spontaneously ,do according to your nature and then just get out of the way.
There are no rights and no wrongs,there is no good and no bad .......if you keep yourself out of the picture.
You just become  a witness.....not associated ........that's what Osho was trying to tell all the time......

But this needs guts to apply......this needs absolute surrender to the existence........try it and you will know.

In other words its called "LET GO".....and it needs a big heart and courage to "LET GO"......these are not just mere words.....you will be transformed immediately the moment you start applying this.

There is a Sufi saying .........
"Mera mujh mein kuch bhi nahin.......
 Tera sab tujhko arpan......."  ,which means
"There is nothing in you which is yours...
So instead of becoming a "Doer"....become a "Witness"....let it happen...........

You cannot to anything,it's just a wrong idea..........things just happen.

You are born in this body...it just happened..........
Your body took particular dimensions....it just happened.....you are not to be crdited or discredited for that..........
You are born in a certain country...it just happened....
You fell in love with a particular person....just happened......
You have children who look this way or that way.......that too is not in your control..........it just happened......
You invested money and it grew.....that too just happened.....and  if it went down the drain and you failed ,that too just happened.............

Don't become a "Doer"...if you want your ego to melt away...do everything totally and that's it....."Jo hua so hua....jo hoga so hoga......whatever has happened has happened...whatever  that will happen.....will happen.....que sera sera......."

Everything is just happening.....you can't see it because you are not aware....you are not present.......you are lost in your ego...in your ideas....in the future and in the past....in your guilts and in your hopes.....IN YOUR CONFLICTS...IN YOUR MIND...and because of that you are constantly in fear and anxiety..............

And that's how one misses out in life.....that's how one miss out the Master....that's how one miss out on the real flavour of Gita, of Dhammpada  and of every other scripture which was spoken by people who have known.

During the life one keeps struggling ...this way or that way and in the end everything fails.....one dies in misery...that's why people are generally  afraid of old age...that's why people are afraid of death....it looks ugly.....because the dying person just reflects fear, helplessness ...empty...nothing else.....you look in the lives of all great achievers  or of the normal mortal so to speak, at the time  of their death they were just sad......because they missed out something...the real thing....they were lost in the ego....their achievements and failures...and in the end they realized there is nothing to take with them...

Do i have any problem with it.....no....none whatsoever....you asked ,i gave you my understanding and experience....you may inflate your ego, you may work towards melting it away...your life ...your wish....

All the best ..... 

                                            Prem Kamal   

EGO .......HOW TO DROP IT...

Well there is only and only 1 step to drop ego............no other.............."find EGO".

It seems as if you know what ego is.
Ask yourself  what is this ego that you want to drop ,where is it...........
How are you holding it that you can drop it..........
And why did you create this ego in the first place if you are wanting to drop it.

The problem with human mind is that it has stored words but existentially it doesn't know the meaning of them.

A few years back ,probably just the early days when i got in to meditation so to speak,i met this guy. 

He had come over to my house and was just talking non stop and then he said " kamal, i have lived my life....I have attained everything that was to be attained spiritualy and just that this "I" needs to get dropped.................". 

Though I was in a mess myself that point of time but still  could see it so clearly how this guy was fooling himself.
He said everything has happened except this "I" getting dropped.  Now this guy had no idea as to what he was saying but he made it sound highly spiritual.

How can you drop "I" when you don't know what it is..................
Similarly how can you drop "ego" when you don't know what and where it is and how you are holding it.

The essence of what i am saying is that please find this "EGO"........
The day you find it you will laugh because ego is an illusion ...a mirage.....it seems,.but it is not there  and that is why this search

 of "who am I"...........this "I " is the ego.

And the day you see or realize what you are, you will disappear, this "I" will disappear, this ego will disappear..............disappear because it doesn't exist in the first place.
That is why people fail in dropping their ego because they don't know what ego is. They dont know how they are holding it and still they go on trying to drop it.

The day you see this "I"... at that very moment it will die.........."I" is the ego and "my and mine " are  the factors by which it gets bloated,it gets bigger , it gets inflated..........

You are accidental and all that you do and aquire and feel is yours is also accidental.
All the definition you have about yourself are just a matter of chance.....temporary.....but there is something which has become you....which was there before the so called you were  born...........that is "the truth".

When you see this "I"....it will go away and what will be left is the "brahm.......the truth or the god or the ultimate or whatever u want to say"....thats precisely the reason why people who have known, say that there is god inside you......and that you are god and subsequently so is everybody.........but  you can say that only if you have realized and found that inside you......

Whatever i am saying is no hog wash , it's something very scientific and meditation is the way to find it...the way to reach this ego..........
And as soon as you reach your source u wont find any ego...........just "that"......the nameless....the faceless...the deathless.....the inexpressible.....

So please find yourself...please find this ego........do everything in life but the most essential is to find this "ego"...........and you will reach the ultimate and with that all issues gets settled..........all means all......all questions disappear.....

AND that is the whole purpose of human life...to reach your source.....to meet your true self.....
and it is the most exciting journey...the journey to find this ego.....the journey to reach your depths.......

But please don't get lost in all the experiences while you are exploring the inner.
Please don't be fooled by the talk of chakras and kendras and energy movement and the third eye.......and the shastrar....and the kundalinies .....though you are bound to be tempted

They are all illusion...go on dropping whatsoever that you experience........everything means everything.......don't hold them dear to your heart or else you will miss out.

ALL EXPERIENCES ARE OF THE BODY AND YOU ARE NOT THE BODY..............
NEVER FORGET THIS...OR ELSE YOUR MIND WILL AGAIN FOOL YOU .....LIKE IT HAPPENS WITH EVERYBODY,HARDLY AN EXCEPTION...
JUST ONCE IN A WHILE ONE ESCAPES THE CLUTCHES OF THE MIND AND ITS IDEAS..........BEWARE..........

AND THE EXCITEMENT OF  ALL THAT YOU ACHEIVE IN THIS WORLD IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE EXCITEMENT CAUSED WHEN YOU GO WITHIN.
SO PLEASE FIND THIS EGO...AND ONE MUST, IF ONE HAS TO REALLY LIVE BLISSFULLY .

ON THE WAY REMEMBER THAT ALL YOU ACHIEVE IN THIS WORLD IS TEMPORARY AND ALL THAT YOU EXPERIENCE IN THE INNER IS ALSO TEMPORARY.....

IT'S THE ONE WHO IS EXPERIENCING THAT MATTERS..........

"THE ONE".........."EK OMKAR SATNAAM"........
All the best ........

Prem Kamal

Balance is the key......

I wish to know how is it really needed to leave your work, home to look for a better conscious life?

No…..not at all........there is absolutely no need to leave.

If you don’t work, how will you manage your needs and if you are not able to manage your needs how will you create surplus.......and only this surplus will help you towards the freedom of time and space to begin with.

If you leave your work, you will always be divided, dependent and division or dependence never helps in the progression towards the oneness, towards the freedom.......

So...work and work with totality.......and then if a time comes when your instincts suggest that u need a break from your work ...then why not...leave it for some time and see and explore other avenues....don’t make your work as the only obsession in life. If you realize that just work is not enough then don’t hesitate to leave it gradually for something higher and deeper which satiates you.

Secondly you asked about the need to leave home.......no need to leave.......it’s not required.

Again what you would need is a break and this break is required for the balancing act.

You will have to need a break from the known at times, be it house , work, friends, relatives....and lots of other things.This break is essential because else u would not be able to see things from a distance and unless you see things from a distance your perspective will just be 1 point.

It’s like in architectural drawing......1 point perspective......and growth is about having multi perspective vision.....not even 1 or 2 or 3 point perspective but multi point perspective and finally the absolute perspective....

When u see things from close u can never see them clearly, your vision gets blurred.

Just try bringing the book very near to your eyes and u will understand what i am saying. Familiarity breeds contempt...in this case contempt of vision......

So to explore the unknown u will have to have a break from the known.........be at anything.

And if you are scared to go away from anything known, it would be like that frog who is sitting in the well thinking that this is the whole world.....then it will paralyze your growth prospects.....u will become static....

You will never be able to delve into the depths of the inner if u are afraid to venture and explore the dimensions of the outer...... and for all kinds of exploration of new...a break is needed from the old….from the known......there is nothing wrong with it.....

In fact the more u explore outer with totality, with jest.......the more u will be unsatisfied and the more u will be unsatisfied the more easy it will be for you to take a plunge into "the inner"....in to the orgasmic........into the deathless.....

So there is absolutely no need to leave anything......be it work or home.

And don't limit yourself to any one thing.........explore, grow, learn, see, experience and don’t be satisfied till you find that one thing.....that which liberates

Then u asked

"Also, what i feel is that if I spend a normal usual life which I use to spend earlier without being introduced to these things, there is a non constructive life you end up living and if you wish to live it consciously then commercially it weakens?".................

Yes u are right in your observation and understanding. If you just go on living like this......working 9 to 5 , doing the same thing again n again n again..........u will be trapped in a rut. It becomes almost mechanical. One gets up, runs to shower n tea n breakfast n.............on n on and this becomes an everyday affair. And then comes the weekend... same parties, same booze.....same talk, same set of friends.........discussing same things........and then even the weekends become mechanical.........repetitive and this just becomes the whole life.........non constructive, dormant, repetitive............

But if you leave this so called normal life totally.......u will be in financial dole drums.....which will complicate life.....

So it’s kind of trouble both ways.......out of the pan and into the fire.......one gets burnt both ways.

Well, then what to do.........

It’s simple...CREATE A BALANCE......

Work, utilize your expertise in the old to create the base for the new and then have a break to move onto the other side.

Generally we understand that either we can work and be of this so called world or we leave this and get totally involved with the spiritual.....No, that’s a very poor understanding of life and it has come from very unintelligent people. Here everything is spiritual.....just a little understanding is needed for that......but the key is to create a balance.

You have day and you have night .....and all other aspects of the nature carry a balance...and when this balance becomes perfect and it does.......surrender happens.....Surrender is the ultimate flowering of life...of everything.......that is the perfect spirituality.....the only spirituality which is total…. which liberates…. which everybody is searching for……….

So, If you just go on running outside, chasing what your senses are guiding you to.... life will become tiring, exhausting............

And if u just go on exploring the inner, you will become deprived of the colors of the outer, the juice of this life, the vibrancy, the dreamy structure of the world.............

Why to miss out on anything....make most of everything.....

Use the momentum of one to take you to the other.....and enjoy flowing in this movement.

Life is movement......isn't it......... 

Essentially it’s about creating balance.......don't just become uni directional........the whole world is there for you.........inner and outer.......don’t limit yourself.......  

But please understand one thing very clearly, it’s not possible to go east and west at the same time........when you go east then don’t think of going the other way at that time….and when u turn around don’t think about the other side......

When you work you will be materialistically rich and when you venture within ........you will be rich in an inexplicable dimension.

Don’t expect materialistic richness when you start meditating...............that’s not possible.

So create materialistic richness which can help u to  move towards attaining inner richness and when u r enriched with the inner....within the inner, it will make u more intelligent to be rich outside also if u choose to.........though chances are once u have a taste of inner richness …. the outer achievements will make u laugh....

They will almost become redundant when you see and understand as to how this movement of life is happening ..........that’s how it is............

Don’t leave anything......start meditating…. and then what needs to be left out shall get dropped on its own......without any effort.......

Further you asked

“ Doesn't the materialistic wealth  go with consciousness even if the work you are doing is on the same line?”

My dear, materialistic wealth has no problem with consciousness or vice versa ........it’s the ignorant  who have created the barriers..........if you are happy driving a Ferrari then no need to sell it to become a monk…. that’s stupidity.......grossly unintelligent....be a monk who loves his Ferrari......there is no problem, absolutely none.. 

And let me tell you another fact of life.........when you create a balance with going in and going out so to speak.....there will be a harmony in your life....and the harmony will guide you to what is right and what is wrong.....what u need and what u don’t need.............

                                              Prem Kamal

Emotional patterns & cycles....

Life is about experiencing and understanding .......people generally go on taking experiences but they never understand........


Now ....what is a cycle........cycle is something repetitive........like the cycle wheel........which just go on repeating itself whenever it moves.

Here everything is cyclical except the "person of awareness"......rest every movement is cyclical..

For example......a buisnessman...what he does,......his cycle is simple..........he makes money..he invest the surplus and makes more money..then he takes a house and then another house.....and he makes a factory or shop ,then another shop or whatever......then he invests more and then a car and another car and another house..........and then with each cycle there are sub cycles.......more investments means more liabilities bcos one has to keep feeding the investment...more house means more maintenence ...more insurance ...more servants......similarly more cars.....and on and on.....so it's the cycle of assets and cycle of liabilities.....

Am i saying one should not earn or work.........no,not at all........what i am saying is that one doesn't see that one is not able to identify this repetition and this repetition is not getting one anywhere........just anxiety.....one is not able to find other reasons and ways to live except running and accumulating through this cycle .

Similarly,a woman has her psychological cycles.........her patterns as a mother...as wife.....as daughter..........and it goes for everybody......cycle and patterns means repititive behavior, no freshness,same response.......where everything is absolutely predictable ....where one knows how the other person will react.......and all his actions or responses can be controlled by applying psychology or reverse psychology........that's why every mother behaves in almost similar way and every mother in law reacts in a similar way.....and same goes for everybody.....man or woman.....or lovers or husband wife.....

Now , all patterns are of mind....are of knowledge gathered......of the so called conditioning..............almost all human beings look tired and bored...........because they are repeating everything in their lives.......
 
We have trapped ourselves from all around in the name of securing ourselves that now there is no scope for something new.....and the more we are securing ourselves ,more we feel threatened and insecure......

Now why does this repetition occur........it's simple to understand......

First and the foremost is that we are clouded by our so called intelligence and knowledge.........it's so dense that we don't wait for a moment before reacting..........we just react out of that stale knowledge from past and life is constantly changing....our so called intelligence keeps us failing all the time but we dont see it .Like for example i mentioned the pattern of a businessman..........this man will never try to figure out that he is wasting his precious life for stupid things.....more houses more cars more production more this and more that.....for what..........how much does one need.......its like accumulation and securing yourself for eternity while one has a shelf life for few years.....and that too who knows.....and he will give thousands of reasons to do so....and he will never question his intelligence because its clouded by so called success.....and same is the case with everybody....we are in a state of hallucination..."self deception"............

Take Parents for example.......
They want their children to be good human beings...now if u ask them what is a good human being they are at a loss to understand..........

Once i was talking to a woman and she said the same thing about making her children "good human beings".........and she was trying so hard to make them so...almost killing herself with tension.I said u want to make  your children like yourself.......and she said "o no no...i m so messed up and miserable"........then i said "u want them to become like your husband....".......and she said "o no ..not at all........he is just lost in his work and making money....and is just dedicated to his own world and bla bla bla......she couldn't come down to even one person...who she wanted to make her children like...........from Michael Jackson to Mahatma Gandhi.......she couldn't agree on even 1 name......

So this is a pattern.......patterns of parents.....they are just putting all their energies repetitively into ideas which they are not clear about....and they go on repeating them without actually being aware as to what they actually want and why.........

The second reason which makes people fall into cycles is because of lack of relaxation.
We have become "human doings......instead of human beings".............

We are just running fast without even knowing where do we want to go and reach......and what after reaching there...........reaching somewhere has become the mantra instead of living.....living right here right now.....

And the  momentum and gust of this movement is so much that we don't even know what does it mean to be " right here right now....."......we are just guided by our mind center and we don't know how to stop...instead we end up trusting our mind more....and this mind is getting crazier with every passing moment.........

People sleep  with their head full of thoughts and people get up in the morning with their head full of  more thoughts........and to brush of all these thoughts they fall into some other trap of thoughts or words....they start  praying or reciting some mantra to distract this continuous flow of directional thoughts.....or they want to get lost in some other activity in the name of work......its just a vicious circle of craziness that nobody sees..........and thus with age people start looking ugly ...generally it happens like that...bcos their mind is continuously burdened with thoughts and all the pressure of that gets reflected in their eyes and faces because they are just below the brain.......and thoughts never take you anywhere....they are not meant to......if u go on trusting your mind you will end up in more fear....nothing else..........

So again the question comes......."what to do "..........

First and the very basic.........."slow down..........slow down physically ....at least when you are alone.....drink water slowly..eat food slowly....take shower slowly.......just slow down,wherever u can.......that's the very basic and initial step".

Secondly.........next time when you feel that u r falling in a similar situation,something cyclical , don't react,be quiet....don't even analyze.......be quiet.......don't give energy to your thoughts this way or that way......forget about the person whose presence is generating this situation.......just stay quiet and keep looking at whatever is happening inside........now this is tedious...but the most important.........if you can learn this art on your own ...good or else find somebody who knows it.......there is no other way out  to get rid of your cycles and patterns...........there is no way to transcend them other than what i mentioned above.........))))))........make a strong foundation by slowing down the momentum of life ..and then develop the capacity to be quiet..to be non judgmental in that moment..to be non analytical in the heat of the moment...............  

Lastly.....learn to enjoy your company.......learn to be with yourself..........just like that..........with no agenda.......it's miraculous....it heals....don't just go on listening or reading what i tell,apply it......try it................





                                                        Prem Kamal

"Others & their aggression towards me..."

A few things about "others............" and their aggression…………..

If others are hurting you mentally ...they always will.......though unknowingly.....

In this world everybody is struggling, struggling in so many dimensions that it is almost unfathomable for anybody to see things the way they are.
There is financial struggle, there is social struggle, there is struggle with health, there is struggle in relationships, there is struggle of ideas and knowledge ,there is struggle of conditioning...there is struggle of overlapping desires and there is struggle of fears...fears of failing and fears of death and so many others............and almost everywhere ....

And the effect of this is that everybody is kind of "on the edge" just waiting for a trigger to shoot out the burning energy that’s being accumulated inside all the time...sometimes subtle..Sometimes quite intense........and this energy comes out in the form of anger or domination in some kind of expression on the weaker target that one comes across.
For example....a husband who is being ridiculed in the office or struggling in the outer world will take this anger on the weaker and soft targets like his wife or children........a man who is struggling with his seniors will take his anger out on his juniors............and that’s how it happens everywhere............

Now as long as one is alive one has to deal with humans.........humans who are everywhere and struggling in one way or the other.........
So somewhere or perhaps everywhere at some point of time u will find people getting aggressive with you...

And aggression also has many dimensions, one can be angry while being aggressive and thats quite raw....

And one can be sarcastic and ridiculing while expressing another form of aggression..this happens where people are so called cultured...........and there are again so many other ways....
So the first basic thing to understand is that people who are getting aggressive with you are angry for some reason and u r the soft target........it is not your fault at all.......so just relax.....don’t try to find fault yourself every time and definitely don’t blame others because they are already losing control in their lives.
 
Secondly 

ALWAYS REMEMBER.....THE ONE WHO GETS ANGRY FIRST IS GENERALLY ALWAYS WRONG......GENERALLY.....
So when the other person is dominating in any way.....subtle or more than obvious.....just step back and withdraw ..........the person on the opposite side is already in the heat of violence.......so you don't put more oil in the fire or else both of u will get burnt to some extent.....better stop without any rationalizations........just stop.........create some distance from the argument ...and it’s not about being right or wrong...it’s about saving oneself and the other from any unwanted injury......mental or physical................

Thirdly

REMEMBER, ANYBODY WHO CAN TRIGGER SOMETHING IN YOU BECOMES YOUR MASTER...YOU JUST BECOME THEIR SLAVE ...UNKNOWINGLY.......
SO WHY TO BE SLAVE............WORDS ARE JUST WORDS.....HOLLOW..AND THEY ARE COMING FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE LOST...SO YOU BE RELAXED....BUT THAT’S THE TOUGHEST PART.....THAT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE ALSO SLEEPING LIKE OTHERS………..

Now what to do and how to do....

IF YOU ARE WRONG SOMEWHERE, BE HUMBLE AND SAY SO..........
BUT IF OTHER PERSON IS WRONG BE MORE HUMBLE AND GENTLE IN TELLING OR EXPRESSING THAT.......
IN BOTH THE CASES....IF YOU ARE SOFT...YOU WILL BE RELAXED......and it’s not possible even for the other person to fight with somebody who is relaxed...for how long will somebody shout if you stay calm, the other person will feel stupid………....
This relaxation is the basic point and this relaxation will come only when u really remember and understand the above points.....humility will always keep you aware...

If u are clear in the above aspects ...as soon as somebody will get aggressive...there will be a gap between what u hear and when you respond..........

Right now that gap is missing........so please understand very clearly that people are struggling and that’s why they are behaving in such a manner.......don’t fall in the trap of fighting back....be soft, create a distance and u will be humbled and the funny part is that the other person will also become soft........try it….deep down nobody wants to fight......and to apply what i just mentioned u will have to be aware...u will have to be present...u will have to be other than the mind so that u can clearly see the mind working in a aggressive way as soon as it starts going that way.....your mind and the persons mind....

Now there are going to be occasions when u will feel that u r right and the other person is also right....in that case........just say "u r ok...i m ok.........u do what u feel is right ..ill do what seems right to me........"...

And at times there won’t be any need to say anything......just a gentle smile....and the gap gets created......and that smile becomes your response.....nothing else is needed........it’s not necessary to win all the times..........actually it’s not at all necessary to try and win any argument.......
But in all the cases....this gap is the most important..........when there is no gap between what u hear and when u respond......it means u r acting on the basis of your past...........which is grossly unintelligent.......u r asking for the trouble in the form of uneasiness and bitterness after the argument gets over.........

And if u get used to creating this gap....u will become ur own master.... u will never ever get hurt...............u will laugh at how people fall in trap of words….you will laugh at how you were falling in the same pit of verbal jugglery........... and this is the only way to get rid of all ur cyclical traps.........all traps.......because all traps are cyclical.......repetitive.....
Be present, be quiet, be other than the mind.........be aware.........and that is called being conscious........conscious and not self conscious..........self is just an idea.........this presence is the real thing........))))))...........

Now the part of physical aggression

Physical danger is real ...it’s not fear, it’s not imaginary......so in case of physical danger just move away from the place......no point in risking ur body.......in case you don’t have any choice but to face the physical assault...then fight....what else.........still if it’s not in your nature to fight....then surrender........
 
But, (and this is  important)....but, after wards don’t make it a problem ABOUT whatever u did........or whatever way you chose to handle the situation.....
Don’t carry it's wound and effects in your psyche or else you will turn bitter inside......because u did what u could.........story finished.......this world is full of crazy people and crazy situations.....situations which are beyond your control and logic.........u can't do anything about them except being spontaneous when they come........
 
But beware of people who are physically threatening...it simply shows their lack of sensitivity and intelligence.....and a fools association in life is never fruitful......move away........
 

The most important part.........to all the problems of mind and the army of emotions generated by it...there is just one solution........"become a master of your mind............and to become a master of your mind and your life.....there is only one solution.......only one.....transcend mind.........find something other than mind.....behind the mind...the master of this mind.......learn to be silent.........learn to sit in quiet for some time daily......make this the most important thing in life.....and i have traveled till the last point of mind....the last point of logic.....let me assure you....thinking or the mind itself cannot solve any problem........it's the silence which creates the gap that i mentioned ..........and it’s the silence which reaches and gradually cuts the roots of all the problems..............rest is all time pass.........and meditation is the process to be in silence......direct jump to silence is not possible..........you won’t be able to digest it....

                                                         Prem Kamal