A few things about "others............" and their aggression…………..
If others are hurting you mentally ...they always will.......though unknowingly.....
In this world everybody is struggling, struggling in so many dimensions that it is almost unfathomable for anybody to see things the way they are.
There is financial struggle, there is social struggle, there is struggle with health, there is struggle in relationships, there is struggle of ideas and knowledge ,there is struggle of conditioning...there is struggle of overlapping desires and there is struggle of fears...fears of failing and fears of death and so many others............and almost everywhere ....
And the effect of this is that everybody is kind of "on the edge" just waiting for a trigger to shoot out the burning energy that’s being accumulated inside all the time...sometimes subtle..Sometimes quite intense........and this energy comes out in the form of anger or domination in some kind of expression on the weaker target that one comes across.
For example....a husband who is being ridiculed in the office or struggling in the outer world will take this anger on the weaker and soft targets like his wife or children........a man who is struggling with his seniors will take his anger out on his juniors............and that’s how it happens everywhere............
Now as long as one is alive one has to deal with humans.........humans who are everywhere and struggling in one way or the other.........
So somewhere or perhaps everywhere at some point of time u will find people getting aggressive with you...
And aggression also has many dimensions, one can be angry while being aggressive and thats quite raw....
And one can be sarcastic and ridiculing while expressing another form of aggression..this happens where people are so called cultured...........and there are again so many other ways....
So the first basic thing to understand is that people who are getting aggressive with you are angry for some reason and u r the soft target........it is not your fault at all.......so just relax.....don’t try to find fault yourself every time and definitely don’t blame others because they are already losing control in their lives.
Secondly
ALWAYS REMEMBER.....THE ONE WHO GETS ANGRY FIRST IS GENERALLY ALWAYS WRONG......GENERALLY.....
So when the other person is dominating in any way.....subtle or more than obvious.....just step back and withdraw ..........the person on the opposite side is already in the heat of violence.......so you don't put more oil in the fire or else both of u will get burnt to some extent.....better stop without any rationalizations........just stop.........create some distance from the argument ...and it’s not about being right or wrong...it’s about saving oneself and the other from any unwanted injury......mental or physical................
Thirdly
REMEMBER, ANYBODY WHO CAN TRIGGER SOMETHING IN YOU BECOMES YOUR MASTER...YOU JUST BECOME THEIR SLAVE ...UNKNOWINGLY.......
SO WHY TO BE SLAVE............WORDS ARE JUST WORDS.....HOLLOW..AND THEY ARE COMING FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE LOST...SO YOU BE RELAXED....BUT THAT’S THE TOUGHEST PART.....THAT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE ALSO SLEEPING LIKE OTHERS………..
Now what to do and how to do....
IF YOU ARE WRONG SOMEWHERE, BE HUMBLE AND SAY SO..........
BUT IF OTHER PERSON IS WRONG BE MORE HUMBLE AND GENTLE IN TELLING OR EXPRESSING THAT.......
IN BOTH THE CASES....IF YOU ARE SOFT...YOU WILL BE RELAXED......and it’s not possible even for the other person to fight with somebody who is relaxed...for how long will somebody shout if you stay calm, the other person will feel stupid………....
This relaxation is the basic point and this relaxation will come only when u really remember and understand the above points.....humility will always keep you aware...
If u are clear in the above aspects ...as soon as somebody will get aggressive...there will be a gap between what u hear and when you respond..........
Right now that gap is missing........so please understand very clearly that people are struggling and that’s why they are behaving in such a manner.......don’t fall in the trap of fighting back....be soft, create a distance and u will be humbled and the funny part is that the other person will also become soft........try it….deep down nobody wants to fight......and to apply what i just mentioned u will have to be aware...u will have to be present...u will have to be other than the mind so that u can clearly see the mind working in a aggressive way as soon as it starts going that way.....your mind and the persons mind....
Now there are going to be occasions when u will feel that u r right and the other person is also right....in that case........just say "u r ok...i m ok.........u do what u feel is right ..ill do what seems right to me........"...
And at times there won’t be any need to say anything......just a gentle smile....and the gap gets created......and that smile becomes your response.....nothing else is needed........it’s not necessary to win all the times..........actually it’s not at all necessary to try and win any argument.......
But in all the cases....this gap is the most important..........when there is no gap between what u hear and when u respond......it means u r acting on the basis of your past...........which is grossly unintelligent.......u r asking for the trouble in the form of uneasiness and bitterness after the argument gets over.........
And if u get used to creating this gap....u will become ur own master.... u will never ever get hurt...............u will laugh at how people fall in trap of words….you will laugh at how you were falling in the same pit of verbal jugglery........... and this is the only way to get rid of all ur cyclical traps.........all traps.......because all traps are cyclical.......repetitive.....
Be present, be quiet, be other than the mind.........be aware.........and that is called being conscious........conscious and not self conscious..........self is just an idea.........this presence is the real thing........))))))...........
Now the part of physical aggression
Physical danger is real ...it’s not fear, it’s not imaginary......so in case of physical danger just move away from the place......no point in risking ur body.......in case you don’t have any choice but to face the physical assault...then fight....what else.........still if it’s not in your nature to fight....then surrender........
But, (and this is important)....but, after wards don’t make it a problem ABOUT whatever u did........or whatever way you chose to handle the situation.....
Don’t carry it's wound and effects in your psyche or else you will turn bitter inside......because u did what u could.........story finished.......this world is full of crazy people and crazy situations.....situations which are beyond your control and logic.........u can't do anything about them except being spontaneous when they come........
But beware of people who are physically threatening...it simply shows their lack of sensitivity and intelligence.....and a fools association in life is never fruitful......move away........
The most important part.........to all the problems of mind and the army of emotions generated by it...there is just one solution........"become a master of your mind............and to become a master of your mind and your life.....there is only one solution.......only one.....transcend mind.........find something other than mind.....behind the mind...the master of this mind.......learn to be silent.........learn to sit in quiet for some time daily......make this the most important thing in life.....and i have traveled till the last point of mind....the last point of logic.....let me assure you....thinking or the mind itself cannot solve any problem........it's the silence which creates the gap that i mentioned ..........and it’s the silence which reaches and gradually cuts the roots of all the problems..............rest is all time pass.........and meditation is the process to be in silence......direct jump to silence is not possible..........you won’t be able to digest it....
Prem Kamal
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