Honesty is "the most important".....and i am not talking about your definition of being honest.
The definition of your honesty is more moralistic than being existentially correct....and that is why you yourself are confused.
What do you understand about being honest....and honest to whom.
Are you talking about speaking truth all the time...or are you talking about being honest towards your husband or spouse or your boyfriend/girlfriend.....
Are you talking about being honest while paying your taxes correctly or are you talking about telling truth to your children all the time........
What are the dimensions and paremetres of honesty that you carry in your mind.
Is it about being honest to your country or your friends or to your parents or towards your employer ......or being honest towards your workers.
Is it about being honest when you see that it is going to kill you or somebody.......
If you get entangled in these frivolous ideas, u will always be confused....no clarity.
And if you move without clarity you will be divided and gradually schizophrenic......you will have multiple standards in your life and you will always be confused as to what is right and what is wrong......you will begin to manipulate things and situations most of the times.......
Please observe a little fact about life.........you came first into this world and then others came into your life...and then gradually associations happened and then gradually conflict of ideas and morals and thinking patterns......isn't it...
So first things first..... you came first and you should be important to yourself and hence you should be honest to yourself.....that is the first ground rule as far as my understanding and experience is concerned.
"Be honest to yourself " and rest all will fall in place.....everything....and if you are not honest to yourself then no matter how much you try to make others happy, you will always be in trouble and others will always be in trouble bcos of you.
You will be compromising in life bcos of others and in return you will make them compromise for you....and in the end everybody ends up blaming everybody else for their miseries.
And this could still be confusing as to what "being honest to yourself means"
Being honest to yourself means that "happiness is always right and don't do anything that makes you unhappy , that creates hesitation in you , don't do anything that doesn't go with your nature".
Most of the times we are in a situation where we are doing things because of people around us.....where we feel that we should do or not do something because it will make somebody important in our life unhappy...we feel almost compelled to do it rather than our hearty wish.....
No, be honest to yourself and let others not decide for you , don't do anything because somebody will be upset if you don't do so ......or else you will always be confused.....what to do,what not to do........
There are relations every where and there are complicated situations because of them .....sometimes your spouse would want something and your parent may want something else.....sometimes one of your child may want something and the other child may want exactly opposite of that.....and sometimes you yourself would want to do so many things which others will not want....it's going to be one hell of a compromise to your nature if you are always playing to the gallery ....
And please understand that you are not going to be always getting favourable outcome bcos of your instincts.....but you will never blame anybody else for your miseries and failures if you are honest to yourself in listening to your heart .
Here, generally we are blaming others for all the problems in our lives.
I have seen elderly cribbing about how they wasted their lives for their children and now children are no where to be found , they are far and away and sometimes not even interested in them.
I have seen housewives cribbing about how they are in a fix and tied up bcos of their husband and children ...and i have seen husbands just wanting to run away from their homes because they are living a life that they don't want .......
Why so much mental chaos all around.........the reason is simple......most of the people are acting against their basic nature,they fall in a trap and they end up doing things they don't want to do.....they are compromising....and they do it because they are afraid that others might get hurt.
So be very clear...if you are not honest to yourself ...you will never be able to be honest with others....it's not possible....at the most you will be diplomatically correct....BE AWARE THAT YOU ARE NOT BORN TO ACT TO OTHERS WISHES....YOU ARE HERE TO LIVE YOUR DREAMS AND DESTINY.....
Honesty to yourself will set you free......free from others and gradually free from your mind and conflicts..........
Honesty is not about being truthful all the time.....it's about being true to yourself, to have the capacity to listen to your heart rather than the calculations of your mind......
AND PLEASE ALSO UNDERSTAND THAT SPEAKING OUT THE TRUTH KNOWING THAT IT MAY KILL SOMEBODY, IS NOT A SENSIBLE THING.....it's not about your capacity to tell the truth that matters most of the times...it's the capacity of the other person to listen to it and digest it that's relevant ....so be prudent by being realistic rather than moralistic.....
"Honesty to yourself....don't delay it.....life is too short to be little"........
It's difficult in the beginning but its worthwhile...perhaps the only thing that is worth your while...."honesty.....to yourself".....it will save you from becoming a hypocrite... from feeling something else and doing something else....
Don't compromise, don't be blackmailed , don't be enslaved........if you want to be at peace.....otherwise you can very well play the game that everybody is playing with great unease.......your life, do whatever.......
Prem Kamal
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