THE REAL PROBLEM

You asked "what's the real problem" and that too in simplistic terms.
Without getting into  so called spiritual rhetoric of "finding yourself" or "who am i" or "finding god "  or "gyan" "dhyan" etc etc...let me tell u the problem in the most simplistic way possible.

There is one and only one problem and that is "u don't know how to live with urself"...that's it.

You just don't know how to live with urself , what to do with urself , how to be with urself...
And since u don't know how to live with urself u are searching for "the other" and that other keeps u busy, partly entertained and most of the time anxious and on the edge.

 What is this "OTHER" I am talking about.....anything and anybody other than you yourself comes in this bracket...be it friends, work , relationships, money, sports , entertainment...anything other than you.

Since you don't know how to live with urself, u don't know how to live with others.........
And that is precisely why after sometime u begin to find problems, mistakes and shortcomings with even ur best friends...ur lovers...ur spouse...even ur guide...u just don't spare anybody and nobody spares you.
 
And that is why there is so much fight going on within everybody...
You just don't find somebody complete tor fit into ur definitions, imaginations, expectations  and u feel let down in a way...sometimes by others and sometimes by ur own understanding.

You will be surprised to know that all the problems that u find with others germinates from inside u...u just don't know how to deal with ur hollowness...hardly anybody does...u just don't know how to face it...that deep vacuum that u feel when u r just with urself...(if u think i am wrong then just try sitting quietly with urself and u will understand what i am saying)

And this again becomes a vicious circle in life...u don't know how to be with urself and bcos of that u run away from urself all the time and it creates imbalance.  The energy is just flowing out all the time and it is very exhausting. 

Moreover just moving out all the time a very complex world gets created....too much remains to be sorted out....people are always talking about "responsibilities" as the reason that they are slogging so much...no, they don't understand that they have woven a very complex way of living unknowingly and now they are trapped and thus fearful deep down all the time. And nothing satisfies bcos of this constant instability inside.

You can observe this in ur life....u r with somebody but after sometime....an hour  or 2 or a few...may be a day or few days...u will begin to get get bored of the other person...tired...gradually u would begin to see the negative points in the other...slowly judgement creeps in...slowly u want to have a break...forget about people, u even get tired of ur favorite activities be it gymming or running or music or whatever. You just want to run away from it.

And then when u are away and alone u can't handle being with urself....
u again start to run away from urself and start looking for something new....new relationship...new entertainment....new friends....new activity...almost because of a compulsion...and then again u face the same situation...same irritation trickles in and again u want to escape...
that's why there is hardly any depth in relationships...they are topical...more like "entertainment"...and i am talking of all kinds of relationships...

That is why ppl start learning something but leave in the middle....not able to complete or learn anything to the level of mastery...they get bored...bored bcos of imbalance and the same reason that i mentioned.

You don't know how to stay with urself "just like that"...without keeping busy...without getting lost in doing something ..."just being"...

You run towards others bcos u want to escape urself ...u just cant bear ur own company and then u when u r with others, after some time u want to run away from them bcos u cant bear others for long as well...

And this is how u keep swinging all ur life...finding fault with urself and finding fault with others.
Not reaching anywhere like a rocking chair.....too much motion but no real movement...

IN THE MOST SIMPLISTIC TERMS "U DONT KNOW HOW TO BE WITH URSELF AND WHAT TO DO WITH UR LIFE ENERGY WITHOUT THE INVOLVEMENT OF THE OTHER".

Now when i am saying all this, pls don't infer that i am against entertainment or against newness or against new relationships or exploring new avenues...
or that i am suggesting somebody to become an island by oneself...nope.....

What i am saying is that no matter what u do ,everything becomes boring, stale, irritating, stagnant, drab, tiring n bla bla bcos the problem lies in the very source and that is u urself...

If u sort this then everything  will become a blessing....every relationship...every activity...every involvement....every contradiction and whatever...
if u don't sort this out then u will just end up using the other as entertainment and entertainment doesn't last long.

"HOW TO BE WITH URSELF"...PLEASE SORT THIS OUT...
AND NOBODY ELSE IS GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU...  

Have you realized as to  why the film stars or the people in sports or entertainment gets paid so high and so much in demand...it's not that they are doing something herculean or exceptional or are always creative....
"its simply bcos, they keep u entertained for a while...the are feeding u with imagination...they help u in escaping ur inner vacuum for a while...they lead u into forgetfulness for a while."
and these entertainers are suffering from the same syndromes as a normal mortal is...in fact at times much worse.

Always remember that if u need a lot of entertainment in life...or u are always busy doing this or that...if u r always busy in chasing this or that..."u r escaping urself"...
And if u r not able to bear urself ...ur own company ...ur own source...ur own being....how do u expect the others to bear with u.

And more u are involved with others out of boredom or escapism the more u will end in comparisons...the more u will be involved in rat race....the more u will be doing what others are doing without even realizing that may be u r not meant for that.

And gradually u will end up living others' life...and others too are sailing in the same boat...and so nobody in this world is happy...they are relatively happy and with times the degree of  this relativity is also changing.

I often meet people who are candid in telling me that they are so irritated with everything.........
and at times they realize that "this is not good"...but they don't know whats the problem.

So your problem simply is ur own companionship...which u don't relish.

IF U CANT BE A BLESSING TO URSELF NOTHING CAN BE A BLESSING FOR U FOR LONG..
AND   IF U CANT BE A BOON TO URSELF THEN U CANNOT BE A BOON FOR SOMEBODY FOR LONG....

Now what to do...
Very simple...very very simple.

Just start being with urself...
In quietness for some time during a day...
Just like that...
Doing nothing...not wanting to go here there or call somebody...or to indulge in some action....
No...just be...be with urself...with no agenda...all quiet.

You will be surprised as to how slowly slowly u will begin to experience a flow of gentle bliss all around...u will feel some divinity around u in the silence...some goodness and relaxation for no reason...some easiness and calm and serenity all around...its just magical.

Do it and do it as early as possible...thinking wont help...talking wont cook the rice.
Act now...act when u are young and have enough energy to face ur source.
Plant the right sapling now...and don't idle away the time in trivia...for the right planting at the right time yields the right harvest...or else u will just reap regret.

Start, start for nobody is going to do it for u...start, for... the only way to start is to start .

I AM TELLING YOU THE EXACT PROBLEM AND I AM ASSURING U THAT NOTHING ELSE IS GOING TO WORK...I KNOW IT , FOR I HAVE BEEN THROUGH  ALL THIS FIRSTHAND.

Please understand one thing...
Don't start to visualize things sitting alone, don't try to give energy to ur thoughts at all.
I remember a friend wrote 2 yrs back as to how she thinks about herself and imagines this and that when alone and so on and so forth...please don't do it.

I am talking about being quiet and then gradually being silent for some time during the day...
Words in ur thoughts, in ur mind...no matter how colorful, are grossly misleading...they are actually the cause of all misery...pls don't indulge in thinking when u are alone with urself.

Yes, if there is some action needed, some decision  to be taken for something... then use ur mind and logics...
but about ur question what i am suggesting is a state of " being wordless" and it will come slowly.
Don't delay and don't be disheartened...
Start , start from the scratch and go on scratching...

Be focused about being with urself in quietness with no words and imagination for some part of ur time daily.

All the best

                                                        Prem Kamal 

Thinking, thinking, thinking...n thinking more...

U suffer from thinking and this mind bcos u think that " U CAN THINK"...

My dear, pls  realize something...U cannot think, because if u could then u could stop it as well, isn't it...just try to stop" thinking"...u can't stop it bcos u didnt start it in the first place...

So if u think that u can think...it means u r in deep sleep ....unaware.

Kindly get this very straight "U CANNOT THINK"...and this understanding is the part of self realization, this understanding is where masters have tried to lead u to through meditation...

Am I saying that "there is no thinking"...No,
What  I am saying is that thinking is there and u cannot start it or stop it...
it has nothing to do with u... 

Let me elaborate....
There is a thunderstorm outside and u get an idea "o, it just might rain heavily"...
now  did u think this thought or it happened bcos of the thunderstorm...had there been no noise of it or no thunderstorm u wouldn't have got this thought...isn't it.

Take another situation...
u see a beautiful woman coming or some attractive young man walking down the lane and U say "wow...she is so beautiful or omg, he is so handsome..."...now did u think this  or it happened  on its own bcos of  something  which is not in ur control...had there been no man or woman walking down u wouldn't have got these thoughts ...and this way if u go on "WATCHING", U will be surprised to see how wrong u were and how mislead everybody is about everything...


THINKING IS A CASE OF CAUSE AND EFFECT...THERE IS A CAUSE WHICH IS NOT IN UR HANDS AND  FORMATION OF THOUGHTS IS THE EFFECT WHICH AGAIN IS NOT IN UR CONTROL

Take another situation...
Newton was sitting under the apple tree and the apple fell n he discovered the "law of gravity"....so had that apple not fallen on his head , chances are he wouldn't have discovered that ...so perhaps he discovered the principle of gravity bcos of that apple and perhaps bcos of the energy which pushed the apple down at that perfect moment...

So does Newton deserve the credit for discovering the law of nature...)))...No...it happened bcos of some higher energy which pushed down the apple and chose newton to be the vehicle  for discovering "the law of gravity"...isn't it ...)))...

All the  situations are thrown by the existence and they keep on coming all the time as long as u r  alive and every situation generates thoughts on its own  through memory or past experiences.

 THERE CAN BE THOUSAND AND ONE REASONS WHY A PARTICULAR THOUGHT HAPPENED BUT IT NEVER HAPPENED BCOS OF UR EFFORT...

SO THE ESSENCE IS THAT "THINKING IS JUST HAPPENING"...
like the heart is pumping the blood
the lungs are pumping the air
the hunger is coming on its own...

like the sleep is coming on its own...
like the liver kidneys working on their own..,
like the sun is giving heat on its own , the trees are growing on their own...

AND WHEN I SAY "ON ITS OWN"  IT SIMPLY MEANS THAT U HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.....


SO WHAT TO DO

"ATTENTION "is the key to it.....the solution.

Please notice a few things,
The body is blessed with senses...there is a physical aspect to every organ and there is a qualitative aspect to it.

LETS SAY EARS....now Ear is the physical  and the capacity to hear is the qualitative aspect of it...
LETS SAY NOSE....now Nose is physical and the capacity to smell is the qualitative dimension of it....
LETS SAY EYES....now Eyes are the physical part and the capacity to see is the non physical part of eyes...

Similarly there is the CONSCIOUSNESS....OR THE "CHETNA"...OR "THE ATMA "...OR  "THE PRESENCE" and "ATTENTION" is the qualitative aspect of it ...and this is where the catch is...

The suffering from mind can be  dropped by this thing called ATTENTION"...
WHATEVER U GIVE ATTENTION TO WILL GROW.

WHEN U GIVE ATTENTION TO UR HEALTH, IT WILL IMPROVE...
WHEN U GIVE ATTENTION TO MAKING MONEY....IT WILL GROW...
.

SO IF U GIVE ATTENTION TO MIND OR TRY TO SORT IT OUT OR TRY TO FIGURE IT OUT OR TRY TO STREAMLINE IT...IT WILL GROW...U R FEEDING IT...
IT WILL BECOME MORE COMPLICATED...
IT WILL BECOME MORE POWERFUL...
IT WILL BECOME MORE MESSY...MORE MUDDLED...MORE ENERGY SUCKING.

DON'T GIVE ATTENTION TO MIND...DON'T FEED IT
DO  WHATEVER IS POSSIBLE  ABOUT A SITUATION AND THEN JUST WITHDRAW ALL THE ATTENTION FROM IT...

DON'T TRY TO SOLVE IT...

DON'T TRY TO CONTROL UR THOUGHTS...NEVER EVER DO THAT...
ITS NOT IN UR HANDS...
WHAT'S IN UR CONTROL IS WHETHER U PAY ATTENTION TO IT OR NOT...
THIS IS CALLED "DROPPING OF MIND"...JUST DON'T GET INVOLVED WITH IT...
DON'T TRY TO SOLVE SOMETHING BEYOND A POINT...
JUST DROP IT...JUST SURRENDER....IN OTHER WORDS "LET GO"...

THIS IS THE ONLY AND ONLY AND ONLY SOLUTION...
BUT AGAIN THERE IS A PROBLEM...UNLESS U FIND SOMEBODY WHO HAS DROPPED THE MIND....WHO HAS TRANSCENDED IT....WHO HAS GONE BEYOND IT...U WILL FAIL...

AND THAT IS EXACTLY THE  DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MASTER AND A CAMP LEADER...BETWEEN A PARROT AND AN AUTHENTIC ONE...BETWEEN A GURU AND A SO CALLED PANDIT...

A CAMP LEADER OR A PANDIT IS "INFORMED"...
A MASTER IS "TRANSFORMED"...
U DON'T NEED INFORMATION, U NEED TRANSFORMATION...
U CAN READ ABOUT DROPPING MIND BUT IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO KNOW HOW TO DROP THE MIND....
HOW TO WITHDRAW THE ATTENTION FROM MIND...
HOW TO COME BACK FROM MIND AND THEN STAY IN THIS NEW SPACE OF "NO MIND"...


WITHOUT THIS "ONE CAN NEVER EVER LIVE PEACEFULLY...NOT AT ALL"...
thinking will just drive u crazy...slowly slowly one is bound to fall prey to it...
the anxiety and the boredom or the unnecessary draining of life energy will leave u a pauper...
just a matter of time...ur millions, ur knowledge, ur relations , ur achievements...nothing will work...the fears and the greed...the complexities of mind...all are bound to have a cascading effect...

People suffer so much bcos of this thinking ...to the extent that they end up killing themselves...
u recently had the case of Robbin Williams...and another case of this famous actor from "mission impossible " series .

And there are so many cases from the past and perhaps everyday life where ppl just  "CHOOSE TO KILL THEMSELVES RATHER THAN SUFFER FROM THIS THINKING THINKING THINKING SYNDROME"...Where one feels enslaved, overpowered and tortured by this continuous repetition of thoughts...unending and directionless...with no end in sight...continuously draining life energy from a being for no good.


LEARN THE ART OF DROPPING THE MIND WITH AWARENESS...
NOT DROPPING THE MIND WITH ADDICTION...BUT WITH AWARENESS...

AND AGAIN COMES THE  "MEDITATION"...
THE KEY TO END OF ALL SUFFERING...
THE KEY TO "UNENDING BLISS...A STATE OF NO MIND".

BE CLEAR THAT MIND IS CRAP...IT WILL STINK U TO MADNESS...
THIS CANNOT BE SORTED OUT AND SINCE U R TRYING HARD TO SORT IT OUT AND CONTROL IT, U R LOSING SLEEP...

MEDITATE AND U WILL BE HEALTHY...
U WILL BE SANE OR ELSE U ALREADY CAN FEEL WHERE THIS MIND IS LEADING U TO...

ALL THE BEST

                                                     Prem Kamal 

ANGER...is there a way out of it's slavery ?

First of all ,

Its not a question of being right or wrong to shout...
the question is why the anger is happening...
and what is this anger...
and why don't u like it...
and why does it leave a bitter taste...
and is it beneficial in any way...
and why r u  a slave to it...
and do u want to be a slave to it......

But i will answer ur question directly first...
It is not good to shout in the first place...right or wrong doesn't matter....

So the answer is no....

Your friends ask u to shout at them bcos then they will feel high and mighty

unknowingly...superior in a way....

And if u go on continuously shouting at them time n again there is every possibility that they wont like it and u wont be left with any friends.

Deep down nobody wants to be shouted at...still if u wanna try it...pls do...but for the long run its not a wise option.

They tell u not to remain silent...well in a way they r right but shouting is not the right way to handle ur energy...

Anger is the high flow of energy and if it is not let out it shall harm physically and mentally both...
So the right way is....channelize this energy...

Better go and hug the person u want to shout at...the same energy will get converted into love...though ur mind will not like it initially...

If u cant do this...do catharsis in a room....take a pillow...put on ur face and shout in it...
Can't do this...go to the garden and start watering the plants...
Can't do this...start cleaning the house and mopping the floor...
Can't do this...put ur favorite music and dance like crazy in ur room and then just sit...sit quietly all alone...for 10 - 20 minutes...

The idea is to channelize this energy in a creative way rather than in a destructive manner...it's like having a knife , u can either cut somebody or cut the vegetables in the kitchen.

There is another option but its not for u and that is "to watch it...watch the anger and what's happening inside without judging and without thinking." but its a complicated thing, so not for u right now.

Be wise...don't be otherwise....find the right way to channelize the flow of the vibrating energy inside...find ur way, the one u enjoy the most.

Now unless u understand  what anger is u wont be able to transcend it

So what is anger actually.
 

Nature has provided a mechanism to create excess energy in order to follow our primal instinct to survive during a dangerous situation...
Suppose somebody attacks u or an animal jumps on to u...there is an in built mechanism that will generate  anger  which will bring the excess energy out to fight for survival...that's the basic reason why anger is there.That is why animals and people look angry and aggressive when they fight.

ANGER IS MEANT TO TACKLE "THE DANGER"
Now there is another kind of anger which comes from perversion of mind and its conditioning...

THIS ANGER COMES WHEN UR BELIEF SYSTEM IS HURT OR SHATTERED...

THIS ANGER COMES OUT OF FEAR  AND NOT BCOS OF ANY REAL DANGER...

THIS ANGER COMES OUT OF EGO PINCHING...

And this anger has basically 3 stages...
1. Uneasiness
2. Irritation
3. The final blast

Suppose somebody suddenly abuses u or says something nasty about ur country or about ur religion or ur dress or ur children or whatever...u will become uneasy...actually or physically there is no real danger to ur life but u will become alert...though its all just words...just hollow words.

Then if the other person continues with that u will get grossly irritated...

And finally a point will reach where ur mind won't be able to hold and ur blood pressure will rise so much that u will eventually blast...ur mind will just go breserk  and out of control...the inner resistance or fight will become unbearable and will pour out.

Now this kind of anger is slavery...this happens bcos of ur conditioning  and ur expectations or  when ur ego is played upon...it happens bcos of ur sleep, bcos of ur unawareness, bcos of ur absence and just mind taking over ur being....the being , the master is just not there...its all mind...and mind is all imaginary...imaginary but essential .

Any body who has a simple understanding of ur conditioning can play around with you. He or she can just say things according to the way he wants to manoeuver u and without knowing anything u will almost be playing in the others hands.
It's almost like that if u want to impress a mother...just say good things about her children and then the way gets clear.

Wives generally know what their husbands are slave to and they know what to say to bring out a certain reaction. 

It's just so simple yet nobody understands it.

So u have to see ur conditioning...ur points of mental fixation  if u want to get out of this slavery of "ANGER".

And again comes the point as to how to see ur conditioning...

it's by creating a distance from ur emotions...,by seeing from a distance how and what is happening.

It's just so scientific...pure watching with no interference.

 

And for that as always i keep telling "meditate...slow down"...hahaha.

There is no other way out...none whatsoever...have no doubts about it.

People will tell u to do good, to have positive thoughts, to accept, to love, to have compassion...and on n on...IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK...FIRST SLOW DOWN...FIRST MEDITATE...or else suffer in hell...anger is just hell...and it creates hell for everybody around...it creates hell within and it's just destruction at it's very best...AND IT JUST BRING MISERY AND SUFFERING...it's almost like "Diabetes gone bad"...it brings other issues along with it and destroys the body.

So now the ball is in ur court as to whether u want to be a slave to anger or a master of it. 

------------------------------

The other question that was, as to why i am never angry...well bcos i have transcended it.
 

Lets look at it from a different perspective...
It's not that i can't be angry, it's just that i am never angry...
If need arises i can enact anger with such totality that the person facing will get scared and it has happened...but deep down i am laughing.

Now how to transcend it...well there are many ways or starting points or techniques.

As far as i am concerned i am always aware that i am going to die soon...and it's not that i may, i know that i will...
 

How soon i don't know but it can be anytime...

And i am just absolutely clear about it...
And i am very clear that people around me or in my life and the things too can and will disappear soon...be it my family, friends, workers, acquaintances, health, money and perhaps everything...
I am just very clear about it  and i don't ever try to cover this thought

So i am left with no reason to be angry when i see that "i m just a matter of time"...

why would i fight...

what wld i fight for...

what wld i try to save or get by being angry...

I have absolutly no conditioning left...none whatsoever...i have no fixation for any ideas...
 

And i am not saying that i want to die...
No, what i am saying is that i see no reason to fight unless it is a physical attack and i respond spontaneously to it.

Mentally u cannot guide me to anger...
 

You just cannot make me slave to it bcos at the very first point ill watch it that it will disappear...

You cannot generate anger in me bcos of words , u cannot generate any emotion bcos of what u say.
 

And the funny thing is that if  i am not angry with anybody...nobody is angry with me.
 

I just don't hope for anything from anybody...

And when i have no hopes or agenda to be fulfilled by others why would i be angry with anybody.

Yes i do expect a logical behaviour or progression of thoughts and action from the other person but if it doesn't happen still i am never angry...well , the other doesn't want to be logical what can i do...
i just move on without having any remorse or anger.

This is just one way of transcending anger that i have explained...

BE AWARE OF YOUR SHELF LIFE

BE AWARE OF YOUR DEATH

BE AWARE THAT U R ANYWAY GOING TO LOSE WHATEVER U HAVE AND IT CAN BE ANY MOMENT...if u do just this much...just this much, ur life will change, u will see transformation in urself...in ur inner dimensions...try it...don't just go on reading and feeding ur mind...try it and experiment. 

There are and can be many ways and techniques to transcend but the key to it is "meditation"...

It is the key which will make u understand the game that is going on...

It is the key which will give u insight to beyond the body...

It will give you the courage to be near to the "one" which has become everything...

Even the anger itself is the dimension of "the one"...

You call it whatever...till u experience it or know it, nothing is going to help...)))... 

All the best  

                                                   Prem Kamal

ACCEPTANCE...why is it so difficult

Basic and foremost thing to be understood is that for inner growth u have to start from urself with urself...this is something nobody understands.

You will go to camp leaders and spiritual dealers and soul healers and god knows who all and they will give u a moral rhetoric as to how to accept and its not going to work...they themselves are facing the same problem as you...all sailing in the same boat.

First "Accept " urself and accept ur non acceptance as well.
When u r not able to accept something it simple means it is not making sense to u and that is absolutely fine. Acceptance doesn't mean that u have to call an overflowing drain as a stream of mineral water.
 So "Acceptance" has to start with urself and that includes the acceptance of ur non acceptance.

Osho was always talking about acceptance but do u realize that he criticized almost everybody...he didn't even spare Buddha.....does that mean he was not accepting the things he criticized...no, that's not the case.

We carry this wrong notion about acceptance that acceptance means to say that everything is just fine...or "its ok"...no, pls don't say so if u don't feel so.

And if u understand this, suddenly ur hippocracy will drop totally and another thing that u will realize is that when u accept ur non acceptance...u will accept the other person as well.

You will say that i don't find it right but it's ur life, u pls carry on but if ur act is affecting me directly i am not going to allow u to do it...or u wld simply walk away from the situation respecting ur rejection of it and still accepting the other persons freedom to be unreasonable.There is no problem...the problem lies in the moral principles that u have been fed with and the limitations of the mind to understand the negativity that a situation brings in.

There are so many things which u cannot accept, it's fine...please move away or if somebody is barging in ur space doing something that u don't approve of...politely tell the person to excuse you...simple...and i am telling u it works fine...i have been living like that for almost a decade...if i don't accept something i move away or request the other person not to force himself upon me...that's not allowed.

Now comes another situation...the problem is that u want to play nice and goody goody all the time and perhaps to everybody...and that's why u suffer. Be genuine and authentic to urself without getting anxious...it will keep u sane or else u will be fragmented and lost.

Please understand that  if u find the other person wrong very politely u can excuse urself from that situation rather than trying to ponder "how to accept"...u have already accepted urself...where is the question of how...u have accepted the other person as well by leaving him then and there and respecting him the way he is.

Another thing that u have to understand...there is something called " having an opinion"...and there is something called being "judgmental".

You have a right to opinion about things that u come across in life....but u have no right to become a judge and tell the other person to change...that's his prerogative and vice versa...u may tell the other person what u feel but u cannot force and pass a judgement for him to change...'thats interference.

So many times...almost all the times i see people confused about little things...even people who have meditated for 40 years dont understand any thing ...don't be confused about having an opinion and being judgmental...there is a difference...)))....

So first accept urself the way u are without being aggressive or submissive...u will do urself and others a lot of good...
that's the way u r and that's the way things r and that's the way life is...simple.

U are saying u have so many conflicts everywhere...again please understand what Aristotle said...here no body is an island...as long as u are alive u will have interaction with ppl as this life is about interdependence and u are going to have difference of opinion.The problem is  that u are not aware when the difference of OPINION TURNS INTO A CONFLICT and becomes a major ego issue.

So what to do....
Well learn the art of dropping the conflicts...don't fight for every thing or every contradiction...don't be emphatic on being proven right all the time...no need...if the decision is abt u...then u decide.if its about the other...let the other take the call and if the decision is about two of u then take a call on whether u want to be together or not...simple...where is the problem...don't bring unnecessary emotions into everything...it's not needed...u will end up with a heavy head and heavy heart...both burdened with nonsense.

Osho used to say that all problems cannot be solved but all problems can be dissolved or dropped...DROP IT BABA...or else keep suffering...

Learn the art of dropping the conflicts...and that will come when u will learn to be quiet and then become silent...and for that please meditate...pls start sitting silently, unfocussed for some time daily...withdrawing all ur energies and attention from everything....just being quiet....i am telling u its the most exciting thing possible...u will become a master of urself..

U say there are conflicts everywhere and every time u fall for it and then u cannot meditate...u see u r fooling urself...u want to meditate when u r restless though u should meditate when u r at peace...when u r relaxed...when u r silent...when u r feeling good...u r doing the opposite...u r trying to suppress ur conflicts in the garb of meditation....no, it wont work...in fact the floating of nonsense will increase by leaps and bounds if u meditate when uneasy.

And more importantly...why are u falling into frictions all the time...it's bcos there is no gap between ur action and ur mind... 
Osho used to call it "being reactive" rather than "being responsive"...and to become responsive, and responsible and to create a gap learn to slow down in life...as u slow down in life there shall be a gap between what u hear and ur action...u will become more aware...more distant and with the right distance u see things very clearly...else u will just end up fighting the mud and shall keep getting deeper into it...slow down my dear...u have already tried running fast in all the directions...and u r becoming crazy...isn't it...or else why wld u be asking me this question.

And another friend says he feels betrayed all the time.

Once it happened that i was visiting a gentleman...he is around 75 years old.
He said "son, u know i was not well for last 1 year and was bedridden and i learn't one thing...and that is that in this world nobody cares for u...nobody is for u. Nobody bothered to visit or take care of me when i was not well"...and i said "sir, it took u 75 years to understand such a small thing." 

So my dear, get this loud and clear that u may expect but don't expect ur expectations to be full filled...or else u will end up having a bitter taste left within. YOU ARE ALONE AND THAT IS THE WAY IT IS.

In this world everybody has different gods and different trigger points...somebody's god is money...somebody's god is sex...somebody's god is work....somebody's god is family...somebody's god is this or that...and here as one is subjected to one's trigger points one can change colors  in ways that u cannot fathom.

A few months back somebody was telling me how the wounds of betrayal by a close friend years ago are still not healed...a similar thing somebody was telling me last week...as a human u r bound to get hurt unless u understand the nature of things here.

I have seen best of friends humiliating each other over a shirt worth 10 dollars and whole friendship just slowly going kaput...it's just a matter of a little bit of this and a little bit of that for a person to turn 180 degrees.

A person may tell u as to how u r the most important thing in his life...the only thing he could lose and just a bit of money or whatever and  down the line, the same person might not even want to say a simple  "good morning" to you...that's the way of life...don't blame anybody and don't blame urself if u want to grow. Move on if u don't like it without being judgmental....its perfect.

Give the other person the freedom to be oneself and if u don't agree with the persons behavior...accept ur feelings as well and move on.

life is movement...ppl come ppl go...things come things disappear...don't be overtly emotional about them or u will just end up being a pile of negativity.

There are things which u cannot change...leave them....
There are things which u can...make them better if u want...
But don't torture urself...it's a short life...few blinks and it's gone.

Rest as always choice is urs as  to what u want to do with ur life...)))...
Good luck

                                                    Prem Kamal

Relationships, the nitty gritty of it...

First...pls understand the 3 aspects of every relationship...

1. Fun (not talking about the fun where ppl just meet, enjoy and go their way...though nothing   right or wrong with it)
2. Responsibility
3. Respect, which arises out of gratitude and thankfulness.

Second...about relationship lets  be focused on two aspects..

1.Relationship in general  and that would mean any relationship be that of of friends or man woman or worker and the owner or for that matter any relationship that exists between humans .

2.Relationship between a man and a woman i.e of lovers in particular.

what do we want in life...just ask urself...
why do we get associated with people and things...
why do we engage in any activity...
why do we do anything in life...
the answer is "to enjoy and have fun"...isn't it.

As far as my understanding is concerned "fun" has to be the binding factor of every relationship to begin with...
every relationship should bring lightness, freshness and should be rejuvenating and that can happen only if it is based on fun...on fulfillment...on easiness and then only can it gain some depth. And this goes for every relationship.

But somehow opposite of this is happening in all kinds of relationships......generally relationships are getting based on responsibility.
And this responsibility has become such a heavy word...IT'S DEMANDING. 
All relationships  become a burden...a drag...a"pile on" because of this word responsibility. Everybody is dragging oneself bcos of this word...everyone is just somehow forcing oneself to live or do things bcos of this one word "responsibility".

As far as what i see "fun" should be the central point of every relationship  and then out of that fun comes responsibility which becomes love. 

People always want  somebody who is"fun" to be with...
and out of that a connection gets established which brings a sense of responsibility towards that person and that sense of responsibility gives tremendous fulfillment rather than the burden of any sorts that is born out of morality or social compulsions.

This fun and responsibility brings the "love"...

LOVE IS NOT WHEN U SEE SOMEBODY AND U FEEL "OMG I M IN LOVE"....THAT IS JUST ATTRACTION AND PERHAPS THE NATURE'S WAY OF FOOLING YOU FOR ITS OWN AGENDA .

U asked as to why every relationship becomes a burden after some time...
it's bcos of this very word "responsibility"...it makes everybody tired and serious and ugly...
every relationship becomes a burden bcos there is no "fun" left and whats left is some kind of compulsion or helplessness...almost like nowhere to go...and have no choice.

And when i say fun i simply mean the capacity to bring lightness...capacity to enjoy the company of other and harmonize those moments of being together...and that togetherness can be between friends, lovers , subordinates and workers...a mother and child...a father and child...whatever.

On SUBTLE levels that togetherness can be between an object and a human being...it happens only when a person is extremely sensitive and present in the moment.

Have u ever observed water in a still swimming pool...
and then observe it when suddenly children jump into it and if u r sensitive u will see it very clearly that the qualitative aspect of water has also changed...
u will FEEL that with those children the water is also feeling happy...it has also come alive...
and this goes with everything...u just need to be present in total sensitivity to see it.

So be very clear that the fun has to be the basis of every relationship and a solid foundation gets laid  and out of which generates a sense of responsibility  and this gets converted into  love and  this love brings tremendous "respect " for each other...and with respect this love gains depth...such a relationship can survive all situations...without respect  it remains shallow...frothy...if there is just fun and responsibility but no respect...the love is just superficial and lacking in something.

You said that u feel like running away from everybody...it simply means u r surrounded by serious people and u too are one of the kind.
It simple means u r surrounded by people who are always working or tired or talking abt this problem and that problem  and what to do .
Day in and day out living such a life  with such people who are just so serious u seem to be on the verge of a breakdown and hence u want to run away.

It is happening to almost everybody in present times...relationships are becoming a burden and ppl are quickly getting tired of each other and of themselves.

The remedy is simple...instead of blaming others or running away, find ur dimension of fun...
find ur field of creativity...and suddenly ur energy will get channelized.
u will feel light and hence the other in ur company will also feel light...right now its the opposite....
u r bored n stuck n the other is bored n stuck n both of u feel like running away from each other and if u r not doing so its almost bcos u don't have that choice.
U know that u  just might get stuck in the same situation next time with somebody else...so u r just dragging urself... 

Please understand that nobody wants to be with people who are always complaining...who are always blaming others...who are always tired...who are always talking about this burden or that burden or compulsions of this responsibility...they make this life very heavy...it sounds like bearing the burden of the whole earth on ur head...and if u get such a person around then u cannot enjoy that company for long...or u will end up becoming like that person... and the fact of the matter is that here everybody is so badly stuck in this rigmarole of life that they r tired of themselves and they r tired of others...and i say this after meeting and seeing ppl from all over the world...perhaps of almost all ages...so pls start channelizing ur energy rather than running away or blaming others...others are also doing the same, they too are feeling like running away from everybody including u.

Now coming to man woman relationship...
the basic point to begin with man woman relation is "physical attraction"...this is law of nature, u cant help it. Another thing about human beings is that here everybody is conscious of ones body this way or that way...

The basics of a solid and fulfilling man woman relationship lies in "physical or sexual compatibility"....for a couple , for lovers this is the dimension of fun  and if two ppl are not comfortable with each others body then that relationship is bound to fail...the marriage may survive but that relationship is not going to be SATISFYING. And when i talk of sexual compatibility i m not talk of high or low sexual energy levels...i m talking about the compatible energy levels where they can easily relate to each other through their bodies and feel comfortable abt it rather than getting more conscious more closed and withdrawn...when the sex energy is compatible...it is fun...and this makes ppl comfortable about their bodies in front of their partners and once this is taken care of half the battle is won.And u can very easily relate to anybody who makes u feel comfortable about ur body.

You said u r already bored and tired of the marriage, it simply means the sexual incompatibility, it means the lack of fun...the whole charm of meeting the opposite has somehow vanished...and now u don't know what to do.

Generally in such marriages ppl try to make their partners happy with gifts and entertainment trips and many such frivolous things...but it is very topical...it doesn't work and couples just remain unhappy in marriage but stay together bcos of their children.

And one thing i have observed in happy couples is that they are  hardly bothered about compliments, money and gifts or any kind of reassuring words  and they hardly demand anything from each other...

So now u know the problem....u can work on it...it's not that difficult...work on the sexual compatibility...work on the fun part...but if still the harmony doesn't come it simply means ur energies just cant be harmonized...they are in different orbits with totally different dimensions...may be u both are just not meant for each other...nothing wrong with it...it's life and it happens...move on .......or else keep living like this and keep suffering and die one day to be born again and repeat the whole chakra.

And now the most important part of any relationship...it is "RESPECT'...respect for ur partner or the other...
if  despite having fun and managing responsibilities  u don't have respect for ur partner or associate...be it ur husband...wife...worker...business partner...lover...whatever...the relationship is doomed.

If deep down u feel that ur partner or associate or ur husband or wife or lover is an idiot or stupid or hardly intelligent or not a good human being or whatever...it's not goin to work out towards fulfillment. Fault finding is a sign of something missing in ur association.

Strange it is that marriages seldom breaks bcos of infidelity, it often breaks bcos of lack of respect...it breaks bcos ppl think that they r living with an idiot...there is lack of respect...or one feels unwanted and uncared...one feels as if "not needed"...and that can be killing for anybody.

In the end it is the respect that shall count bcos with time the energy, dimensions and definitions of fun and responsibility will keep on changing but it's the "DEPTH" which comes out of respect that matters...rest is hogwash

EITHER DON'T GET ASSOCIATED WITH SOMEBODY...DON'T RELATE...AND IF U DO AT LEAST  HAVE RESPECT IN UR HEART AND IT DOESN'T MEAN TO NECESSARILY AGREE TO WHATEVER THE OTHER PERSON SAYS

SO  ANYBODY WHO READS THIS, KINDLY REMEMBER THAT "PLEASE RESPECT EVERYTHING THAT U COME ACROSS IN LIFE...BE IT PEOPLE OR THINGS...PLEASE DON'T GIVE CARE A DAMN ATTITUDE...PLEASE DON'T TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED BY BEING INDIFFERENT...HERE EVERYTHING WANTS TO BE LOVED AND CARED FOR...AND UR INDIFFERENCE OR CLEVERNESS OR WRONG ATTITUDE WILL JUST DESTROY UR LIFE SUBTLY...NATURE IS NEVER KIND TO SUCH PEOPLE, THAT'S A LAW"   

Rest it's ur choice...)))...

All the best...

                                                           Prem Kamal

Decision making and confusion........

"All confusions in decision making arise bcos of  ur greed...

 u want this and u want that and u want this and that together...it doesn't work that way...

 u want the blues and greens at the same time though u don't have the money for both....

 u want to meditate and be rich in terms of worldly wealth at the same time....it is not possible...to   be super rich u have to be superbly  focused, aggressive and charged up while to explore the depth of meditation u have to be totally unfocused , non violent and in a let go...both are contradictory but still u want both...u cant decide and u dont reach anywhere...  

 u want to have a safe career option working from 7 to 7 and yet u want to have an exciting, free, adventurous life...it is not possible...where will u get the time if u r working all the while in order to be secure....

 u want to sit on the office chair whole day making money and u desire the health of an athlete who is slogging in the gym or running on the ground.....nah.....not possible....

 u want the heavy pay packet that u are getting but u don't like ur work,  u don't want the office politics, u dont like the odd hours  that u have to work and u dont want the constant criticism and nagging from ur boss and subordinates....well its not possible...if u want the money u have to pay a price for it or else quit....simple...no confusion

But bcos of ur greed u r not able to see the contradictions u r chasing all the time...and u r confused about where u r going wrong and what to do about it.
u r trying to be clever and in the end u end up cheating urself...nobody else..


And all greed is there bcos u have lost the capacity to trust ur instincts....
the capacity to listen to ur heart.......
and u have lost the capacity to listen to ur heart bcos heart is subtle and mind is loud...always making noise...always running...the noise of the mind suppresses the subtle inexplicable instincts of the heart..

And why is mind making so much noise and running all the time....bcos of fear and greed.....
why there is fear n greed...bcos of ignorance....
why and what is the ignorance.....)))))))......its a big vicious circle..........bla bla bla bla...."

Coming to what u asked,

Well, i will share with you my parameters about decision making......

First, whatever i have to do, I see if  it is according to nature...is it part of the natural flow.....if yes then there is no problema

Second, is my action going to hurt somebody physically....if yes then its not worth my while...hurting somebody mentally is irrelevant.

Third, do i feel happy doing this....if yes then no matter how somebody else feels, for me it is guda...I am game for it...whatever the end result....happiness is not wrong  if it meets the first two conditions.

Now this is more than enough for me and i actually don't have to think about these parameters, this is a spontaneous flow for me about deciding something.

Now "how to make the right choice"
Well there is no right choice and there is no wrong choice.....
whenever one  makes  a choice, one does so beleiving that this is the right one and more often than not one ends up with the wrong result....result is not in ur hands...

So if u r asking how to be always successful in making the choice which gets u the result  u want....well there is no holy grail to it....pls dont try to search for it.


Now let me elaborate a bit....
Years back a friend of mine asked me during  a meditation camp.
He said  " suppose a snake comes in front of me and i am not somebody who would want to kill it and i dont want to be bitten either...what do I do "

And i said
"firstly...a snake comes in front of u and  u feel like running away....just run away...and then if smbdy teases u that oh u r a coward or weak hearted or bla bla...dont feel guilty abt it...it happened the way it was meant to happen...dont try to make any judgements about ur action now...don't crib..

 Second situation is snake comes and its so sudden that u just get very angry and charged up and u end up breaking its neck and killing it....thats fine too....now pls dont regret that why u did it...don't think as to how could u kill an innocent animal and u are such a good soul and a non violent person.....and on n on.....it happened spontaneously...simple....move on..

Third situation is that snake comes in front of u and u decide that u r not going to do anything abt it even if u get bitten...u will not hurt the animal....now may be that the snake passes away from the sides without doing anything....without harming u.....that is  absolutly ok but then pls dont start rationalising that it was ur gud karma or that u r such a good human being that mother nature saved u or that u remembered ur guruji or god and the blessings descended upon u and u got saved...no....these things are inexplicable...don't try to rationalise or glorify them...

And the last situation is that u decide to stay put and the snake bites u.....that too is fine....run for treatment but dont regret  ur decision now...lesson learnt that its better to run away in such situations..."

So, the essence of whatever i said is that its not abt the decision u make....it's abt the way u always end up regretting all ur actions....or the end results...
u do something u regret and u don't do something u still regret....it's the regret which is the problem and  botheration rather than the choice of action.

It happens all the time.....a person goes to the market with a friend to buy a shirt. He enters the showroom and  gets fixated on the blue one....his friend suggests white one.......now he is confused........

Listen to ur heart.....do what ur heart says

Please understand that its not abt the choise u make...it's abt the mind which wants to create conflict no matter what u do.....

Mind wants to run and run....and conflict is its food... MIND goes on dividng itself into many parts in forms of different logics and there is no pattern to all the logics in life if u start working at all of them at the same moment....mind is just running in multidirections all the time but u cannot go to east and west at the same moment...

So whatever u decide...after that "just surrender"...surrender is the key...
and this is called destiny ......"something happened bcos it was meant to happen.."

Now drop it and move on"....something which appears right at this moment can be wrong in other moment...things are in a flux...so are the situations ....and almost everything....don't try to have standard answers to all the questions /situations of life.....u will always be confused...))))))))....and it is not necessary to be always right....like they say "its not necessary to win every time....but the game must go on"....participate in this game of life...in the game of situations....do ur best and then
move on......winning or losing is not in ur hands....)))....

So do whatever u feel is spontaneously appealing and instinctive at the moment and then just move on.....the moment is gone...the decision got made....whatever was to happen happened....no point in cribbing now.......
U made ur decision at that moment...whether u decided to listen to ur rationalizations and logics or u decided to listen to ur heart...its fine...there are no perfect answers to every situation in life...and its wonderful that way or else life wld be predictable and monotonous.

And last thing i want to suggest is...."please keep ur options open....pls keep ur exit route open.....just don't barge into a dark tunnel thinking that ur lucky stars will take care of u...they just may disappoint u "

All the best

                                                          Prem Kamal

MEDITATION.....why is it not my priority?

Meditation is not your priority because of mainly 5 reasons
1. You are not a successful person....by success means u have not reached what ur targets    were...u  have not lived ur life in totality, u have been lukewarm in every act of life.
2. You still live in hope .......
3. You r not intelligent enough......
4. Disaster has not struck u as of yet..........
5. You dont realize that u r going to lose everythig that u have....
    
Now u will find it very strange  reading as to what  i am saying.
My friend u are not successful bcos u have not  been able to achieve to the level where u can say "o , more of this doesn't make sense....."
u have not chased men/women with totality.....
u have not worked really hard in  the vocation u r in...
u have not gone deep in friendship, in relationships....
u have not loved anybody with intensity....
u have not chased money and reached the point of questioning as to what u r doing....is this what u r living for....
u have not done a single act in ur life which is able to take u till the end point of it...from where there is no movement possible......
u have not entertained urself with worldy pleasures successfully, totally to the the extent that u cld see the futility of it...
u have not been able to pamper ur  senses to the level where u realize that it is not enough to fill some deep "void" after every achievement....

U have lived ur life  like almost lethargic...no intensity or gest....as if u have all the time in this world.....actually u have not done even an act of totality in ur life if u look  honestly...
(wait, dont try to understand before reading further.......)

For example,
If u were rich by now u wld have seen the futility of possessing lot of money....
money would have  stopped being ur motivational force and hence u would not be distracted by it.
And i am not saying that u don't have money...all i m saying is u r not rich despite having so much money....to possess money and to be rich are 2 different things. 

If u were rich u wld have stopped putting so much energy into making money by now and  would have began ur search for something higher and the energy saved wld have easily been put into meditation. 

So u r still not rich enough to transcend money...u want to collect more n more of it, and with more of it u invest again to have still more and hence u live in fear, greed which takes away all ur energies and keeps u busy.

The momentum of violent energy that is required to make money and to save what u already have  is not leaving u focused or interested enough in meditation.

To make money u need to get maximum out of ur client and workers....to make lots of money u need to get maximum out of ur subordinates and seniors....its a game of keeping onself on the edge to progress in life and a person living on the edge of anxiety can never meditate.

So i suggest go all out for money or whatever u feel will liberate u or bring ultimate peace and when u have really tried u will realize the futility of it and then perhaps u will grow enough to understand the importance of meditation.
In a nut shell what i am saying is that chase ur dreams with total intensity.....all out....
give urself totally in love...to the woman or man who u r obsessed with....
give totally in friendship to the friend or person who u feel is closest to ur heart....
whatever inspires u in life go all out for it...
and sooner than later u shall realize that nothing liberates...
u will find that after  u have achieved what u wanted so desperatly "there remains a huuuuuuuge void...a huge vacuum....a big feeling of having got cheated"...

"NOTHING FAILS LIKE SUCCESS".......and when u have really succeeded u realize the magnanimity of the failure and when u have got the woman / man u wanted, the house u were so desperate for, the car u were willing to kill for.....u see that it amounts to nothing.....that feeling of emptyness falls onto u totally and then u realise the failure of all that u got .....u realize that u are either just chasing or managing things...u are not able to live..

U will find that u r just trying to manage people, time, resources, energy,relations, health....n so many other things....but u r not able to live...just live without being preoccupied with anything


And once u r  really failed by being total , it would lead u to a burnout and after that  either one becomes lifeless , depressed or else  if one is lucky and one  meets the right person one  takes to meditation  or if one is into it already  one would be drowning oneself  into meditation.

And since u are not successful  to the point of "saturation" in anything so to speak , u still live in hope....
 
u feel that u will put a bit more effort...or u will try a different way...and if this much is not satisfying u will go for more....
if this relation is not working u will go for another one...
it's like u are jumping from one idea to the other and from the "here to more " ...
u r continuously  busy in finding new toys to keep u busy...old girlfriend goes new one comes...old boyfriend disappears...one finds a new one...
one car tires u....u get busy to find the means to bring a new one...and hence u keep living in hope...and living in hope that may be next one satisfies...

You just don't want to see that "nothing else is meant to complete you....be it a relationship , money , cars or possessions...that's not the law of nature"


ur energy is always  divided and focused on "the other"...it gets fragmented...its like " rolling stone gathers no mass"...
 
And hence u r not able to meditate...it doesn't become ur priority...
too manY issues distracting u all the time....and whole life u r just chasing with hope...
u r not willing to see things as they are...but ur hope make u run towards future...   

if u really become total u will succeed and with success u will fail and with this failure u will lose hope....u will not be fooled by any new ideas...the only choice then left wld be to meditate.

Thirdly,
u r not intelligent or aware enough to see life,
to what is happening all around to people, to urself, to the world ,
to the increasing number of depresseds all around, 
to the increase in the temper and a steep fall in the level of patience of humanity in general everywhere ,
u r not willing to the  see the lives of people in old age...
and perhaps so many other aspects of life u r not able to feel n observe...
if u do, u will immediately drop ur so called intelligence and shall begin a move towards what the wise-men have always said over the centuries "MEDITATE"....

And lastly, 
perhaps nature has been kind to u till this point in life...
perhaps somehow u have not gone through something so shocking which shakes ur roots...
something which has broken ur heart...some state of helplessness...
but my friend this life spares nobody...here nobody remains a virgin, life fucks all...
history of humanity shows u that.................
 
From Michael Jackson to Marlon Brando to Marlyn Monroe to Whitney Housten to Alexander to Guru Dutt to Meena Kumari to....on n on n on....
From Rockstars to Filmstars to top Politicians to most Beautiful of Damsels to the most Richest ...to the very common man...nobody gets spared...What is it that they miss out that despite all the glory n achievements they still die unhappy.....and what is it for the common man who also dies unhappy....somewhere something is missed by everybody...almost everybody...."yes, and that missed point can be found by meditation"

Osho used to say "meditation is the first and last freedom"...
he was right, and what he meant was that if u keep meditating u will reach that point of liberation where u will be free...
free from mind...free from all the bondages...

Only meditation can take u to the point where everything instead of  becoming a bondage  gets converted into love and compassion.  

Good luck
                                                           Prem Kamal

Success...hardwork...happiness

My dear friend, I appreciate the fact that u  asked such a question despite being so called "successful"... it's not easy to accept ones misery after being successful in the worldly ways...))).

What u have asked has 3 different and diverse parameters... hard work, success, happiness

Let me share my experience and  understanding about these 3 words.

Hardworking...
Have u ever observed as to what is the easiest thing to do in life.
And u will be surprised to know it's "hardworking" specially when things r going ur way.

Just look around, almost everybody is working hard...even those who are sitting are working hard in their minds, even the people who have retired are working hard even without working...they r just so restless sitting in their chairs...

Hard working is almost like a drug....one just doesn't know how to live without it in these times.

If u promise to pay ur worker for sitting idle, u will be surprised to know that after 2 days he will go crazy...he would start asking for something to do.

Why is it so, bcos hardworking is the easiest option, the most difficult option is right working, relaxed working.

Since u r already successful, try relaxing for a day...no talks, no phones, no tv, just total let go....u won't be able to bear it even for 30 minutes...just being with urself, no interference from anybody ...so difficult to relax and be with urself.

So first of all get this very clear  that hardworking is not a virtue by any means ,
it's only for those workaholics who have no idea as to how to be relaxed, how to just enjoy this moment...how to be...ppl only know "how to do", they have no idea about "how to be".

You see we are "human beings and not human doings"....but we have lost the idea of being.

Hardworking has never helped anybody  in living a beautiful life, it can only help u in acheiving targets, in hoarding the resources of life quickly.

Hardworking is just an obsession with ideas/ goals...and life as such has no goals,

This is leela to be enjoyed, a game to be played , not some kind of war that needs to be won by all means.

Hardworking shall take u to extremes and then burnouts and frustrations.

If u succeed still u wont be happy...if u fail...the result shall remain the same.

Hardworking is like arguing, even if u win the arguement u won't feel good, if the argument is lost, still the bittterness stays.

Hardworking is one extreme and laziness or lethargy is another extreme and extremes are never good.

Have u ever wondered that if u were alone in this world or with limited number of people in this world, would u be working hard, would u be trying to chase goals and hoard resources.
No, u won't.

Or if somebody tells u that u are goin to die after 2 days, will u still work hard or  would u want to look at sun, at flowers, at children playing, enjoy eating ur food or enjoying ur cup of tea...feeling the fresh air...n so on...

Just the basic chores u wld want to live which u r so indifferent to right now, isn't it.
Just ask urself this simple question and chances are ur whole understanding will go topsy turvy.

Then why u do it.

First reason is peer pressure / social pressure. 

Second and the most important "u don't know any other way of living ...
u don't know what to do with ur life...ur energy...ur time...
u never learn't any other way to live...nobody ever told u n u never saw it "

There is a saying "zindagi doo baras kee, samaan soo baraas ka......life is for a few years and we accumulate for centuries".

Hardworking can get u to accumulate the material wealth for 100 years but it will washout the real life that u have in hand.

That's why old age is so dreaded ...u work hard all ur life to acheive and accumulate but suddenly u realize and find that u cannot do anything with watever u have accumulated.

Life just slipped away...and for what...3 houses, 5 cars, 7 factories or more...bla bla bla.

Hardworking is not a virtue existentially, so don't be proud of it.....
just see what it has done to u and u may understand what i m trying to point at.

"Insomnia " is one of the end results of hardworking.

And hardworking is basically nothing but escapism from this moment.

Hardworking is nothing but an ideology of inflated ego.

Hardworking is nothing but  an extension of the lust to power, to dominate, to control, to feel special, to feel different.

And hardworking is basically born out of fear of death which u want to conquer...it's foolishness. 

U asked why u r unhappy "hard working is precisely one of the reasons......)))...."

Successful...
what is being successful.

To me the capacity to say "i quit" is the measure of success...
if u r so free that u can drop anything if it interferes with ur joy and peace is being successful....

To me success means " the capacity to live and to have lived totally with watever life presents/presented  with....be it work, sports, studies relationships, food , sleep, morning walks....watsoever."
To me success means "to live a life in a manner that u always feel fulfilled for no reason...to be free from greed and fears...to live without hope...to be so complete that if next moment u have to die...there is not a bit of turbulence...no regrets"

Your definition of success is set by ur parents or ur relatives or ur society or people around u.

For me, definition of success is " to be free from the agenda set by others...other than myself for my life..."

U asked why u r unhappy...
bcos ur success is not ur success, it's something fed to u by others and chasing that u have not been able to fulfill ur destiny....
to live the way existence sent u to live...
ur success is just a wrong notion, making money is not the definition of success......
making money is one the easiest thing to do in life.....

You just need to understand the law of "demand and supply"...
Locate the demand and simply supply and u become a rich person...simple.

That's what happens in  a stock market.
People hoard shares of a company...they create a demand...and then it goes high and then they supply at the high point, they become rich, very rich.

Same with commodities from cocoa to oil to metals to agri products to real estate...but is it success....may be for u...it's simple manipulation or understanding of human greed along the lines of demand and supply and playing it well...its just so easy...what's great about this kind of success.

Politicians become rich...contractors become rich.
Pay bribes...take contracts and make money...but is it richness.
Just think, what such actions has made of our lives.

Where r we heading....
Puncturing holes into mother earth from everywhere just to encroach upon everything.
For what...and we don't even realize that earth is more than 75% water...the 25% can easily disappear into that 75% percent, and then once the humanity is drowned all success stories will disappear with it.....))))....

My friend, start questioning ur wisdom...ur understanding of things.
Slow down...in doing so u will become aware.
Just watch every thought of urs, where is it taking u.
Just see how u r doing same thing again n again and keep falling in the same misery.
And then, stop doing what u have been doing.

Let ur happiness, peace n joy be ur guides, ur motivating factors rather than the  social compulsions, hard work and success.

Learn to live every moment...learn to be present while drinking a glass of water, or eating food or watering trees or cleaning ur car or talking to ur subordinate.

Let every action be so full of awareness that it brings total fullfillment in this moment.
And this is called "meditation".
The art of coming to this moment...the art of staying in this moment.

Life is never in "then n there...it's in now and here".
Stop running, this road of success can only lead to craziness and nothing else...just a matter of time.

All the best.

                                                              Prem kamal